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I had been trying to hold on to my patience, but now I was starting to lose my grip on it. “I have responsibilities,” I said firmly. “I’m not some teenager on summer break anymore. Now, make yourself useful and look in the glove box for the contract on this next stop.”
That kept him busy and quiet, at least for the time being. But I had to admit, Melody was still lingering in the back of my mind. I tried to tell myself it had nothing to do with how pretty she was or anything Keith had said.
After a while, when the conversation had faded back into silence, I mentioned as casually as I could, “Tomorrow, I’ll go back and check-in with her. See what she’s thinking and if she’ll let us have the job. It would be a shame for that old house to sit empty on the market for a while after all the work it’s gonna take to get it back in order. You know things are slow to sell around here, and it really should be on the historic registry.”
Keith shot me a smug grin and then leaned against the window of my truck. “Mm-hmm. You go ahead and swing by…check up on her,” he teased suggestively.
“I just stated plain as day my concern is with the house. It doesn’t have anything to do with her,” I defended.
Thankfully, we pulled up to our next job just in time. I could only hope he’d forget all about Melody Hart by the time we were finished up there so I wouldn’t have to hear any more of his ridiculous notions about whatever kind of fling he thought would solve all of my problems.
9
MELODY
I was feeling slightly better by the time I woke up the next morning. The morning light streaming in through the big windows in the house was easier to appreciate when my head wasn’t throbbing from a hangover.
I sat up and stretched with a big yawn in the guest bed I had picked to sleep in. I couldn’t bring myself to try and sleep in my mother’s old bed she kept when she was here. That would have sent me straight for opening another big bottle of wine or three.
After sliding into my slippers and robe, I walked over to admire the view of the lake from the bedroom window. A family of ducks was lining up near the dock, and I could see fish jumping up to eat the early morning bugs.
I admired my handiwork as I walked through the house, down to the kitchen. I had spent the entire day before cleaning as I tried to think through what to do about the renovations. I was learning a good mop and scrub could make a world of difference on an old house like this.
With a cup of fresh, hot coffee in hand, I went out onto the deck to sit and enjoy the morning. The sight of it up close took my breath away. I knew Mom must have spent a lot of time there because the decor matched her style perfectly. The wood was painted red with potted plants lining the railing. They were in bad shape now, and a few of them had died. But that was an easy fix.
A deep blue patterned rug with matching furniture was arranged in the center. The cushions were moldy and needed to be replaced, but I simply tossed those aside for now and took a seat on the bare furniture.
I could imagine my mom sitting out there in the mornings, just like I was. It had the perfect view of the lake and the big trees and rocks that lined the shore. I closed my eyes and just listened to the sound of the waves gently crashing up against the dock. The old boat tied up back there bobbed in the water, rocking against the wood every so often with a gentle, almost soothing, rhythmic sound.
For the first time, I saw the real charm of that house. Not just because my mother loved it, I wanted to as well. I finally understood how relaxing the place was, even if I didn’t know how to relax anymore.
I sipped my coffee and wondered if I ever really knew how to relax in the first place. I had gotten that from my mom. Maybe that’s why she felt she needed this place, in addition to all the plans she had for it and the childhood memories. Perhaps she had found her own secret to relaxing out here on this lake.
Mom worked hard her whole life and expected me to accomplish even more than she did, which was plenty. I grew up not wanting for much of anything, and Mom clearly had enough saved up by the end of it all to buy this nice old vacation home in a place she held dear.
My phone, which I had eventually dug out of the couch cushions, started lighting up with morning notifications, mostly work emails. I resisted the urge to start answering them. I imagined being here on vacation with my mom, like she always wanted. She would have reached across the table and told me, “Just relax and enjoy your time off. It will all be there when you get back.”
Of course, when I started whining with a hundred excuses for why I couldn’t just put work on the back burner, she would have sat back and let me do my thing. She would have understood. She was always proud of me and patient.
But for now, I let the phone sit there, the messages unanswered. It wasn’t an easy thing for me to do. Still, I was feeling the weight of how prioritizing work over everything else could lead to regret…even faster than you might think. I had always been an overachiever, and I didn’t know how to stop. I didn’t know any other way of living. But suddenly, I was starting to wonder if the perks of a good salary, a corner office, and nice expensive things were enough to make up for the sacrifices, like time with family and friends, which I was reminded now could run out all too soon.
An unsettling realization was creeping in. My “dream job” wasn’t turning out to be quite as fulfilling as I thought it would be now that it was all I had left. Admitting that made it a little easier to ignore the emails, at least for now.
I leaned back in the chair and took several more slow sips of my coffee. Some birds were flying in and out of the rafters of the patio. A bird’s nest was nestled into one of the corners. It wasn’t the right season to find any baby birds inside, but in the spring, I knew it would be put to use again.
The thought of two birds fussing over building their perfect nest made me cringe. That’s the stage of life I was meant to be in right now, Nesting in our newly purchased brownstone with Evan. The engagement, wedding planning, and everything that followed. They were all just things on a list to check off.
God, how I loved checking things off of a list. Sometimes I would start my to-do lists with the smallest, simplest things like “Make a List” because I’d get a thrill from being able to check it off right away.
I laughed to think about what that list would look like now.Find out your boyfriend is cheating on you…Check. Break up with him…Check. Arrange mother’s funeral…Check. Sell off her dream vacation home…
I was comfortable in the life I had before. I didn’t want the rude awakening that deep down, not everything was as perfect as it seemed. At night, I’d lay in bed and wonder…Would I want to know Evan cheated if I could go back in time? Or if he hadn’t made it so easy for me to catch him, would I have rather remained blissfully ignorant?
Now that I was single again, I was unsure of what to do next. I was starting to question everything that I thought made me happy. The rug had been ripped out from under me, and I couldn’t seem to find my balance again in the aftermath.
I had never been a particularly adventurous person. I was a meticulous planner and a bit of a control freak. A plan saved me from the need for self-reflection, which to me just seemed like a scary way of admitting I wasn’t as in control of everything as I wanted to be.
The birds that had been flying around took off suddenly, disappearing somewhere off into the distance.
