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Dornan tensed.
‘Sorry,’ I said quickly. ‘You don’t have to answer that.’
‘It was a business decision,’ Dornan said, his tone suddenly clipped. I was losing him. I could feel him shutting down right in front of me.
‘I spoke to Anthony the other day,’ I said, swiftly changing the subject. Although I despised Dornan’s oldest son, Chad, with a passion reserved for people like Emilio, there was something about Anthony, or ‘Ant’ as everyone called him. I saw his father in him. A tough exterior, but an instinct to protect instead of exploit. Whereas Chad, on the other hand, was just a younger American version of his grandfather, Emilio.
‘Yeah?’ Dornan’s pride was evident.
‘He’s a good kid.’ I tried to think of something to say about the rest of them and drew a blank.
‘He’s smart.’ He smiled proudly, then the smile faded slightly.
‘What?’ I asked.
Dornan shrugged, tucking loose hair behind my ear and giving it a soft, almost playful tug. ‘I wonder what these boys would be like if they had a choice.’
‘Everyone has a choice,’ I said.
Dornan raised his eyebrows. ‘Like you had a choice?’
‘I had a choice,’ I said boldly. ‘I chose you. And you chose me.’
His smile looked pained. ‘I’d spend every moment with you if I could, you know that?’
I nodded, smiling sadly. I knew that more than I knew anything. It was a truth that burned inside me, kept me going when the demons in my mind tried to convince me otherwise.
‘Do you ever think about the future?’ I asked softly.
‘Sometimes,’ Dornan replied. Any trace of lightness was gone now, replaced by the weary reality of our collective fates.
‘And?’ I pressed.
He let his hand drop from my face and turned back to the sun, squinting as it slid lower against the orange and blue horizon.
‘And it doesn’t do any good,’ he said gruffly. ‘So I think about something else, instead.’
‘Oh,’ I said softly. I thought about what he’d said about leaving Celia, about how remote that possibility even was. How could I marry him, anyway? Legally, as far as anyone was concerned, I was a dead woman. Dead women couldn’t get married.
I didn’t want to be a member of the Ross family. I might have loved the son, but I hated the father. No, even if it was ever a possibility, I’d never marry into Emilio’s family.
‘I have to go,’ Dornan said abruptly, wrapping a hand around the back of my neck and pulling me to him. He kissed me on the forehead, his lips lingering for a long time before he pulled away. I didn’t move, not wanting him to break away and return me to this unbearable loneliness.
‘Don’t go,’ I murmured against his chest. ‘You just got here.’
We played this game far too often, these days.
He kissed the top of my head again, his soft lips leaving a small damp mark against my skin, and then he left. I stared into my empty wine glass, tears forming in my eyes, jolting a little when the front door slammed.
Alone again.
A tear found its way out, dropping into the glass, followed by another, and then another. My chest constricted painfully as my weeping turned to all-out sobs, my eyes blurring as salt water overcame them.
I was happy in brief moments of time, but I was sad the rest of the time.
I lifted my head, blinked away tears. Saw children on the beach across from where I stood, their happy shrieks like blunt knives being driven into my heart. I saw the Ferris wheel on the jetty come to a stop, collect new passengers, and then start turning again. I heard the front door open and Guillermo’s sneakers squeaking on the tiles.
You’d be a good mother.
