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My stomach twisted anxiously. ‘You.’
He shrugged, dropping the shirt between us. ‘Babies are all the same, boys or girls. They cry, they eat, they sleep. But she could’ve been my daughter. That’s when shit got hard.’
Something about that made me angry. So, so angry.
‘Then why do you do it?’ I snapped. ‘Because Emilio says you have to? Tell him you can’t. Tell him you won’t.’
‘I’ve got too much to lose,’ he replied, squeezing the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white. ‘I have responsibilities. Much as I’d like to, I can’t ever tell him no.’
He stared at me pointedly, maybe the first time he’d looked at me since he’d started recounting his story. His dark eyes glimmered as lightning lit up the car and I felt a lump rise in my throat.
‘I do what I do and I get what I get,’ he said, reaching across and taking my chin in his hand, brushing his thumb along my lower lip. Something about what he had said – I get what I get – stabbed at me painfully, demanding more answers. A creeping suspicion suddenly flooded me and I felt sick.
Me. He was talking about me.
I swallowed thickly, my voice momentarily frozen. I opened my mouth to speak and nothing came out. I felt his eyes drilling twin holes into mine.
‘Don’t tell me you’re talking about me,’ I said, tears forming in my eyes. ‘Please.’
‘I’ve never lied to you,’ he said, taking my hand and squeezing it, almost to the point of pain. ‘So if you don’t want me to tell you . . . don’t ask.’
So it was me. I brought my hand up to my mouth, intending to muffle a sob, but Dornan took hold of it at the last moment. He held it up to the dim light in the truck. There were fine specks of blood. I watched, sobbing openly, as he took my hand and used a clean section of the shirt to gently wipe my skin.
I didn’t stop crying. I was so damn emotional all of a sudden, and I didn’t know why.
He loves me enough that he’ll damn everyone else in the world just to keep me safe. And I hate him for it, but I love him for it more.
I thought of the kiss with John, and shame burned deep inside me. I was a horrible person. How could I be thinking about him while Dornan was shipping people off to their deaths in exchange for my life? I’d called him a monster, and he’d been doing all this for me? So that I was safe? So that Emilio didn’t make good on his threats to sell me off as a slave, too?
‘You should stop,’ I whispered.
He took the shirt from my skin and placed it on the dash.
‘No, I mean, you should stop . . . whatever it is you’re doing with these people – and if he gets rid of me, at least you’ll be able to sleep at night. I’m not worth all this, Dornan. I’m not worth any of it.’
His head jerked to face me, and then his hands were coming at me, wrapping around my waist, pulling me to him. It was awkward, but the truck was spacious enough that he could drag me onto his lap without me getting jammed between him and the steering wheel. I ended up facing him, one knee on each side of his legs, our noses inches from each other.
I looked up at the roof of the truck. It was grey felt. I attached my gaze to a small tear in the fabric and held it there, trying to stop the tears from flowing down my face even as I felt my teeth chattering.
‘Ana.’
I shook my head.
‘Mariana.’
I tore my eyes from the roof and looked at him, because I knew if I didn’t he’d wait all night for me to meet his gaze.
‘You want to know what I wished for on my birthday?’ I asked him. I couldn’t even see anymore, everything warping and bending through the film of my tears.
I felt his warm hand cup my cheek, his thumb brushing away a steady stream of tears as he waited for me to speak.
‘I wished that things were different,’ I whispered. ‘I wished that we could be free.’
He chuckled mirthlessly. ‘You’d still love me if we were free?’
I nodded. ‘So much,’ I replied. ‘More than you’ll ever know.’
His face softened, almost as if my words had relieved some worry inside him. ‘I can’t imagine why,’ he responded, his voice low and husky, cutting through the continual buzz outside as the rain continued to fall.
