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‘Let me tell you a story about hope,’ he said through gritted teeth. ‘I loved a girl once. She was beautiful, and funny, and smart.’ He swallowed angrily. ‘One day, she just fucking vanished. Gone. I looked but I never found her. I looked for eight fucking years.’
‘And don’t you hope that she’s alive?’ I asked.
He laughed mirthlessly, rolling his eyes before bringing them back to pin me down. Fury and grief radiated from him, mixing with my own anger and sadness.
We were a sorry pair.
‘I wish she was fucking dead,’ he growled. ‘Hope is a piece of shit that gives you nothing, you understand? Hope is a useless fucking emotion.’
I lashed out furiously with my fists. He caught them easily before I’d even connected with his face.
‘It’s not up to you!’ I screamed. ‘You’re not God! It’s not your right to decide!’
He didn’t seem angered by my outburst, though. He lowered his face to mine and kissed my cheek, my mouth, my neck and my collarbone — everywhere the tears had touched.
‘Why do you think I showed you?’ he whispered in between kisses that were growing more and more urgent.
I laughed like a crazy woman, my eyes so puffy I was only seeing half of the world. ‘To torture me. To make me cry.’
He grabbed my chin, forcing me to look at him. I stared into his eyes with hatred.
‘I did it to make you understand what’s happening.’
‘Oh really,’ I asked, less hateful this time. ‘What’s happening here?’
He stopped kissing me for a moment and lifted himself so his face hovered above mine.
‘A show of good faith,’ he murmured, one finger tracing my lips. ‘Something to hope for.’
‘You just said hope was a useless emotion. And besides, I have nothing left to hope for.’
‘But you do,’ he countered, his hand palming my breast. He was already hard as steel against my thigh, but now he pressed against me with more urgency.
He dipped his lips to mine and kissed me gently; a contradiction for such a man. He was testing me, I realised. Seeing if I’d kiss him back.
And I so badly wanted to kiss him back. I wanted to melt into him until all of the pain and horror was a distant memory.
I opened my mouth wider, inviting him in. I had nothing left in this world anymore, nothing except pain and loneliness. Pain and loneliness and him. He pushed my legs further apart, until they were as wide as they could go in the small confines of the back seat. Unconsciously, my hand went to his belt and unbuckled the clasp, popping the top button of his jeans and slowly sliding his zipper down. He reared his head back and stared at me, panting, as I wrapped my hand around him and squeezed.
What am I doing? I screamed at myself.
I don’t want to be alone, I answered myself. I cannot bear to be alone. He has to want me. He has to come to love me. And then he will protect me from the rest of them. I am a ghost. Without him, I am nothing.
‘What do I have left to hope for?’ I asked, as he pulled my panties aside and dipped his finger into me, making me shiver. ‘That you’ll let me go?’
He shifted above me. He pushed my hand away and reached into his jeans. His cock bounced out, and he held it between us, his eyes questioning me. I nodded minutely, kissing him deeply once more, giving him permission. Yes.
I drew in a sharp breath as he gripped himself and pushed into me, tenderness and pleasure merging into one. I moaned at the feeling of fullness, from being stretched slowly as he continued to push himself deeper.
‘No,’ he said, pushing my top up around my neck and pulling my bra down to expose my breasts. ‘I’m never letting you go.’
Grief and pleasure overwhelmed me as he began to rock his hips back and forth, sliding in and out with a pressure that was as devastating as it was utterly pleasurable.
More tears tracked down the sides of my face as he continued to fuck me. It was raw, it was primal and it was the only thing I had left in this sorry world.
He stroked my sensitive nub and my legs jerked open wider in response.
I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. Everything inside me was on edge, and in that moment, my body betrayed me. Rationally, I wanted to push him away, but instead, I drew him closer. Deeper.
