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In its wake, I finally have to confront my own thoughts.
Oh God, what’ve I done?
I don’t have the strength, physically or mentally, to push back from Luke right now and look him in the face. So, I remain in his arms that still hang loosely around me. His palm is still on my breast, and I remember the furious pushing and passion exploding inside me.
I also remind myself that the last time I made a mistake like this, it changed the trajectory of my life, forever. It was another stupid night like this, but at least that night, I had the excuse of alcohol to somehow vindicate the fact that I hooked up with Luke.
But now I don’t even have that. I have no excuse.
I have to face the fact that I soberly and very enthusiastically, fucked Luke Hardy again.
“Shit.” Luke sighs and I can tell that it’s also hitting him at the same time. His hand lets go of my breast and he pulls back, finally looking down at my face.
“That was…”A mistake.That’s what he wants to say but he doesn’t complete the sentence, staring into my eyes instead.
“Yeah,” I agree with the unuttered sentiment.What do I do now? Do I apologize? Is he going to apologize? Where do we go from here?
The phone rings and shatters the atmosphere immediately. Luke sighs and slowly pulls out of me. His dick rubs against my nerve endings on its way out and I moan at the delicious friction. He groans too and has to lean his head against mine, taking several shaky breaths before he moves again.
Then he drags himself away to the bedside table where the phone is, glancing at the caller ID.
When his eyes flick up, there’s something tense in them.
“It’s Liam,” he says, and shock douses me.My brother, calling at this hour? What are the odds of my brother calling right after I finished sleeping with his best friend?
Oh my God, does he know? Irrational fear flits around my mind. Does he know what we were up to? Is he here? My brother likes to show up out of the blue, sometimes.
Oh God, please don’t let this be one of those times.
Luke's panic shows in the slight tightening of his jaw. Then he brings the phone up to his ear and sounds distinctly normal when he says, “Hey buddy.”
I turn my face away when they have their conversation, guilt eating me up. If Liam ever found out I slept with Luke– twice– he would freak out. He never explicitly warned me away from Luke, but it was there in his eyes every time Luke and I squabbled. He was amused by it but at the same time, his gaze warned me not to take this further.
Liam would kill me. Or Luke. Or both.
“Yeah, I’m sure she’s fine,” Luke says, suddenly cluing me back into the conversation. She? Who are they talking about? Me?
“Maybe she just left her phone somewhere and is busy baking or something. You know how she is." Luke holds my gaze as he speaks, and I ascertain the nature of the conversation. Liam probably called me while I was up here with Luke–having sex– and I didn’t answer. My brother tends to jump to the worst possible conclusion when I don’t answer my phone and now he's freaking out.
I put my rubbery legs down on the floor, taking stock of my body. Shaky, but stable. I almost take the phone from Luke to tell Liam I’m fine, but Luke gives me a warning look as though he can guess my intention. And then I realize, if I say anything, Liam will wonder why the heck I’m with Luke so late in the night.
“Yeah, sure," Luke says. "I’ll go out and check in on her, but I’m sure she’s probably asleep by now anyway.”
Liam says something else and Luke nods. “No problem buddy. Anytime.” And then he hangs up.
The two of us stare at each other for several beats, none of us wanting to be the first to break the silence.
“That was –" Luke starts.
“A mistake," I conclude already reading it in his eyes. "Tonight was a huge mistake."
He nods carefully. “It was…It was just the result of a lot of pent-up sexual tension that was all. But now we got it out of our systems.”
“Exactly,” I agree, and I wonder why it sounds like we’re both trying to convince ourselves rather than each other.
“Don’t get me wrong,” Luke keeps talking, even though I already agreed with him. “I still think you're just about the hottest thing since sliced bread."
You do?Desire slices through me again but he continues, “But with Liam and with the kids…” he rubs his hand over his face. “It complicates everything even more. And you already know I don't do relationships."
