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“I’m used to it being bad,” I say with a lame smile that just really confirms how bad my day’s been. “I’m having a day as well.”
She straightens her white blazer, jerking it down with her hands at least three times before finally looking up, her brown eyes focus only on me and I have to wonder, is this all I wanted? Someone to see, just to see for once. Me. Not what they assume, not what they expect.
Me.
“Can we forget for five minutes?”
I frown, surprised. “I wish but that’s not how life works.”
Sadly.
“What if it did in this classroom?” She takes a step toward me, tears stream down her cheeks harder like she’s broken and nothing will fix her, I’m not touching the tears but I imagine they’re hot, that she feels each drip down her chin in a painful way my soul recognizes. “What if we could forget?”
I reach for her hand and grip it. Cold. Shaking. Scared.
“How do you want to forget?” I whisper.
She eyes me up and down. “A hug. Just give me a hug. Lie to me. Tell me it’s all going to be okay.”
Slowly, I pull her into my arms and awkwardly rub her back with both hands. They run down her spine in slow motion over and over again. “It’s all going to be okay,” I tell her just as she commanded in a tone that almost made me feel like I needed to say yes because she needed it more than I did.
We stand there for a few minutes, she finally relaxes against me. Her body slumps against mine. She’s hot just like her tears. I have no idea what possesses me to do it, but when I start to pull away from her, I lower my head and kiss her on the mouth. It’s a light kiss, nothing intense, but totally inappropriate.
She jerks back, covering her mouth with her hand.
Shit. “I’m sorry I just—“
She doesn’t let me finish. Her mouth collides with mine again. She tastes like cinnamon, my favorite flavor. I moan deep into her mouth, testing the way her tongue feels against mine. It’s not my first kiss, but it’s almost like she’s stealing secrets I can’t tell, she’s clearly more experienced, she shoves my jacket off my shoulders and runs her hands down the length of my torso.
She takes my breath away, a different kind of beautiful person that makes you think if you just keep kissing and letting them take your sins away, you might be ok.
I back her up against one of the hard desks, it screeches against the floor. I lift her onto it. I pull down her jacket, throwing it onto the floor and run my hands up her ribs, grazing her breasts through her shirt with my thumbs.
Her whimper urges me on, deepening the kiss. Her hands move to the waistband of my pants, tugging me closer to her, deeper.
There is no logic to what is happening.
She’s just like blinking Christmas lights that I’m drawn to. She starts to unbutton the top of my pants, her hands hurried, frantic.
Shit. Yes, this is exactly what I want.
And what I need…
And just like that, Christmas is over.It disappears like a fever dream.
The phone in my pocket suddenly goes off. Her purse starts making noise.
It doesn’t stop.
We can’t avoid the sounds. She pulls away with a curse and hops off the desk.
I’m so disappointed I want to burn my phone. I grab my jacket from the floor and hand her hers, then tuck my shirt back in.
Reality starts to creep in.
Shit, what was I thinking? I’ve never just made out with a random girl before, someone who wasn’t my girlfriend. A complete stranger. Am I having some sort of crisis? What’s wrong with me? I ask myself this question, but I know the answer before even finishing the thought. The trauma’s real, the damage is done, and sometimes when you’re in that mindset, all you want, all you need is touch, human connection, something I know I won’t get to have for a very long time because of my contract.
“Yeah.” She looks over at me. “I’m on my way.”
