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Lightly brushing our lips together, I say, “I’m tempted to let you.”
Letting out a tortured grunt, Ellister places a few kisses on my face, going from my lips, to my nose, to my forehead.
When he finally puts a few inches between us to look at me, his eyes shimmer with unshed tears. “Why did you have to be so wonderful? Why couldn’t you have been a terrible person who deserves everything I’m about to do?”
I’m pretty sure he doesn’t expect an answer, but he needs comfort.
So I kiss him again and caress his stubbly face.
I realize I shouldn’t be soothing the man who’s about to take my life. His pain is just too great to ignore. I sense his inner turmoil. It’s so intense, it chokes me up. A lump lodges in my throat, and my nose burns.
“Tell me what to do, Hannah,” he murmurs against my mouth. “The future is yours to choose.”
“You talk like I have power over you.”
“Because you do. If you’d rather take your chances with a final death, I’ll give you that. I can keep you away from Vaeront long enough to make sure he can’t bring you back.”
Through our connection, I can tell how hard it is for Ellister to offer this, because that means he’d have to go on without me. I actually feel the squeezing of his heart, and I lay my hand over his chest.
He’s trembling beneath my palm.
“Wouldn’t Vaeront punish you?”
“Most definitely.” He shrugs like it doesn’t matter. “But he wouldn’t kill me. He needs me too much. Believe me, if I could find a way to die along with you, I would, but the fae are very difficult to kill.”
As much as I’d like to say I’m ready for my life to end, I’m not. The thought of an eternity of nothing is worse than being in the Lost Land. Because at least if I’m there, there’s a chance Ellister and I will be together.
“I want to go with you,” I say, sure.
Barking out a sob, he hangs his head before wrapping his arms around me to hold my body tight. He shakes with silent cries.
Until now, he’s kept his composure fairly well, and I’m surprised by his breakdown.
Maybe he’s like my mom—keeps that game face in place until it shatters.
“Don’t be sad,” I say softly, continuing to toy with his hair as his hot tears soak into the hospital gown covering my chest.
“I’m not sad. I’m happy. Forgive me,” he begs. “Forgive me for being happy about your choice. I’m a selfish man—I want your light in my world, even if it means you’ll burn out eventually.”
I want to promise him I’ll keep my spark going for the both of us, but I’m uncertain about that.
Instead, I decide to kiss him one last time. Grabbing the sides of his face, I mesh our mouths.
Wet heat streaks down my cheeks, and I realize I’m crying, too.
As I stroke Ellister’s tongue with mine, I taste the salt from our mingling tears.
“Tell me you love me,” I request breathlessly. Even if he doesn’t mean it, even if he doesn’t realize the depth of the words, I still want to hear them.
“I love you,” he groans before nipping at my bottom lip. “I love you, Hannah Wildwood.”
A tingling starts up on the side of my neck, and I’m struck with a craving to be bit by him.
Separating from him, the tips of our noses are touching when I bring my fingers to his mouth. I curiously lift his top lip and poke at his teeth.
“Take them off.”
He knows what I’m demanding. I got a peek at one of his teeth yesterday. At the time, I didn’t understand what he was trying to hide, but now I do.
