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She was happy once.
But then it all disappeared. It left with my father when we buried him in the ground, leaving her a sad shell of herself.
“You okay?” Adam slaps a hand on my shoulder as I stare at his front door, my feet stuck in the gravel drive, not moving.
“Yeah. I’m fine.”
“You know you can talk about it with me, right?” That’s the thing about Adam. He doesn’t like to talk. He’d much rather not. But with me, he’ll try.
I don’t say anything, though, because what’s there to say? We don’t have any other family we can go to. It’s just my mom. And he hasn’t really done anything all that bad—yet. He’s an asshole. He’s knocked me around a couple of times, but I give it right back.
The girls—as far as I know—he hasn’t laid a hand on them. And if he does, he’s a dead man. But I can’t always be there.
And his drinking is only getting worse, along with his bitterness of being saddled with three kids he didn’t want.
“You have to get out of there.”
I don’t chance a look at Adam because I know what I’ll see. A sense of justice and determination. He grew up in a solid home. He doesn’t get it. He can’t. He thinks there’s a black and white—a right and wrong in this world I just don’t believe in.
“I can’t leave them.”
“I know. Maybe the girls could...” He falters because he must realize the only other place for the girls would be foster care. Something I’m all too aware of, and I’ll die before I let that happen.
It’s either Elliot, the known evil, or the unknown evil I know lurks out there in the world. It’s a tough choice, but at least with Elliot, I can keep them safe. I can check on them every night.
I give him a look, hoping like hell he’ll drop it, and thankfully he does. Even though I hate seeing his shoulders droop in defeat. “If it gets too bad...”—his voice is a broken whisper—“promise me you’ll tell me.”
I nod but can’t stand to look him in the eyes because I don’t want to lie to him. He lets it slide and then finds me some of his clothes to borrow before he changes. We head out to do chores.
But it’s worth it to finally get to help the family who’s taken care of me all these years. We shower and get dressed again before heading down to a delicious dinner of fried chicken and mashed potatoes before Adam’s mom helps the girls with their homework and braids their hair while we all gather in their living room.
My sisters are full and relaxed by the time Adam drops us back off at our house. Adam’s eyes show all the concern I know he’s feeling, but I tell him I’ll see him tomorrow before he can get any words out.
We go inside, and I notice my mom isn’t home yet and the house is dark. Elliot is passed out on the couch in front of the television.
I roll my eyes and walk the girls to their room, instructing them to go to bed because we all have school tomorrow. I head to my own room, flopping back down on the bed.
As my eyes fall closed and I breathe slowly, trying to let go of today, my last thought is about Adam Bates.
My best friend. The best guy I know.
And by far the prettiest boy I’ve ever seen.
I allow myself these thoughts at night right before I drift off.
I know nothing can ever happen between us. I know he’d likely be horrified I catalog every single part of his handsome face and toned muscles as I fall asleep at night.
But this one guilty pleasure is all I get.
FIVE
ADAM
It’s so damn hot outside that instead of practicing after school, Coach decided to move practice to the mornings before classes start. Which is fine with me, I was up early anyway, not only because of chores.
I can’t stop thinking about yesterday. About how scared little Mary looked hiding behind the chair. About how unsurprised Zach looked. But he was equally as angry as I was. I think it’s getting worse.
And I hate how helpless I feel.
