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Willow let out a dreamy sigh. “Me too.”
My gaze traveled around my crew to see each of them were wearing similar expressions. I rolled my eyes so hard it was a wonder they didn’t pop out onto the table. “All right, that’s enough of that,” I declared, clapping my hands loudly to snap them out of that shit. “I get it. You’re all getting laid on the regular. Congratulations,” I said sarcastically before my mouth pulled into a pout. “It’s not like my own hoo ha is turning into a dusty, wrinkled old prune.”
Deva’s face pinched in like she’d just taken a sniff out of a carton of month-old Chinese food, sticking her tongue out on ablech. “I pictured it!” she cried, throwing her hands up over her eyes. “I pictured it and I can’t un-picture it.”
Lyric reaching over and patted her back. “It’s okay. Just think about something else. Like a beautiful meadow full of puppies and kittens.”
Deva closed her eyes and let out a breath.
Shane returned with Farah at her side, and placed a full pint in front of me. “What’s going on? I feel like we missed something.”
“Wynn was lamenting about her dusty, wrinkly vagina,” Lark answered.
“Oh no. Not again,” Deva groaned and snapped her eyes closed again, returning to her happy place full of cute furry little animals.
Farah’s perfectly arched brows winged up into her hairline. “I’m sorry?”
I let out a heavy breath and began explaining. “I started doing the math a few days ago and realized I haven’t had sex in over a year.” I bugged my eyes out for dramatic effect and stressed, “A year!”
Shane let out a snort of laughter and threw her arm around my shoulders. “Will you relax, crazy? This isn’t one of those situations where if you don’t use it, you lose it.”
I threw her a grumpy look. “You don’t know that.”
She didn’t look the least bit sympathetic. “Did you forget I got knocked up then spent the next handful of years raising a kid on my own before Jensen pulled his head out of his ass?”
When they were younger, Shane and Jensen had been high school sweethearts. He’d grown up in a home that was the very definition of dysfunctional, and she was raised by her aunt and uncle after her waste-of-air mother had bailed on her and her brother, Stone, when they were kids. They’d fallen hard and fast for each other, and eventually, Shane ended up pregnant at barely twenty years old. Back then, Jensen had been a bit of a hothead and was known for letting his temper get the best of him. One night, things had gone too far, and a bar fight got out of hand.
Thinking he didn’t deserve Shane and the baby she was carrying, that they’d be better off without him in their lives, he’d gone off and enlisted in the Army without telling her. He’d been gone for years, but he never stopped loving her. When he came back, it hadn’t been an easy road, but he’d eventually earned her trust. Now they were sickeningly in love and living their own happily ever after just like the rest of my friends.
“You think there weren’t a few sex-free years in there? You try getting laid when you’re raising a baby all by yourself. Even if I’d wanted to find someone to have sex with, I was too damn tried to go out and do it.”
I held up my hand in surrender. “Okay, point taken.”
“You know, you wouldn’t have any problem finding a guy if you really wanted to,” Farah stated. “You’re the total package. Young, gorgeous, funny, smart. If you put yourself out there, men would be lining up at your door for a moment of your time.”
Man, I really did have the best friends in the universe.
“She’s right,” Willow agreed. “What about...” She stopped to look around the bar, spotting a guy playing darts with his buddies. “Ooh, what about him? He’s really cute.”
I glanced in the direction she was looking and crinkled my brows. The dude had so much gel in his hair he looked like a real-life Ken doll. “He’s too manicured. I prefer my guys more rugged.”
Lark jerked her chin in another guy’s direction. “Okay, so what about him?”
I made a gagging noise when I spotted the man sitting on a stool at the curve of the bar. “Oh come on! When I said I liked rugged guys, I didn’t mean ones who lacked all basic hygiene.”
She hit me with a flat stare. “He’s not that bad and you know it. His beard’s just a little... unkempt.”
“He looks like Chewbacca tried to shave and gave up a quarter of the way through.”
“Then how about that guy?” Lyric pointed as discreetly as possible to a guy sitting a few tables away.
I studied the guy for a beat before tipping my head side to side. “Meh. He’s just... blah.”
The fourth guy had a weird forehead. The fifth’s nose was too big. The sixth had serial killer eyes. It was starting to feel like there were no good, single dudes left in Redemption.
“She’ll find something wrong with all of them,” Aurora said knowingly.
Everyone stopped and turned to look at her, and I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.
