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I pulled in a sharp gasp. “Roan,” I breathed, lifting a shaking hand to my mouth. “He didn’t.”
“The official cause of death was listed as an aneurysm. An aneurysm caused by repeated head trauma, Alma.” He shook his head, pain etched into every line of his face. “I knew. Even the cops and the doctors suspected, but without her to confirm it, there was no way for me to prove he was the cause of that repeated trauma.” A bitter laugh slid past his lips, the sound skating down my spine and leaving goosebumps in its wake. “Even if he hadn’t killed her, she never would have turned him in. She supported that monster with her dying breath. Literally.”
I jumped off the stool and rounded the counter, coming up in front of him and taking his face in my hands. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this?” I hissed, tears swimming in my eyes. “We were still together when Elenore died. Why did you keep all of this from me?”
He circled my wrists with his long fingers and used his hold on me to slide my hands down until my palms were pressed against his chest. “I was ashamed,” he admitted, so much sadness filling those three words that I lost the hold I had on my emotions and two fat tears spilled onto my cheeks. “You were everything to me. You were my goddamn world. I couldn’t tell you that my father killed my own mother. I couldn’t stand the thought of how you might look at me if you knew exactly how evil the blood I came from was.”
That actually hurt. My face pulled into a wince as I jerked back like he’d slapped me. “I can’t believe you thought that of me,” I said, unable to hide the pain in my voice.
22
ROAN
Iwas losing her.
Goddamn it.I’d done it again. I said the wrong fucking thing, and she was pulling away again.
When the hell was I going to stop fucking up where this woman was concerned?
She pulled at her hands, trying to break free from my grasp, but it only made me hold on tighter. I couldn’t let her go. Not this time.
“I was a fucking idiot,” I admitted. “I was young and stupid. I found the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and all I could think of were the million and one ways I could lose her. You think I didn’t know that you were so much better than me, Alma? I knew the moment our eyes met across that shithole bar the very first night that I was out of my league with you.
“You were too good for me, baby, still fucking are. But for some reason, you wanted to be with me. I was so goddamn gone for you, and you deserved so much more than a guy like me. But I figured I must have done something right in my life because you chose me. But I was scared. I woke up every day scared to death you’d realize you could do better than me. That thought was always in the back of my mind. I knew it was my own bullshit insecurities, but when you’re young and dumb and you never had a single fucking good thing in your life, it’s hard to believe the one thing you want most in all the world will stick.”
She shook her head, her eyes wide with disbelief. “I—I didn’t know. I didn’t knowanyof this, because you didn’t talk to me. I was so stupid. I was just walking through life, thinking I had everything I could ever want, that things were wonderful. Then you pulled the rug out from under me. I didn’t know how the hell to pick up the pieces after we ended. Do you have any idea what that feels like?”
“Of course, I do,” I barked, pressing her palms harder against my chest. Now that she was touching me, I couldn’t get enough. “I know exactly how it feels because I did it to myself too, and those pieces are still scattered to the fucking wind because I don’t have you.”
Her breath froze on that declaration, those whiskey eyes of hers flaring with something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. We stood in silence, our chests heaving from yelling at each other. I don’t know what went through her head at that very moment, but something in my confession broke something loose in her, because one second she was staring up at me with tears running down her cheeks, each one a knife to my fucking heart, and the next, she was shooting up on her tiptoes and slamming her mouth against mine.
It was a hard press of the lips that lasted all of five seconds before she dropped back down with a look of horror on her face, like she couldn’t believe she’d just kissed me.
“Oh my god. I’m so sorry. Roan—”
But I was done. Done waiting. Done playing it safe. Done taking things slow when all I wanted to do was claim this woman in every imaginable way possible. I released her hands and, on a growl, grabbed her by the back of her neck and yanked her back up, sealing my mouth against hers.
I didn’t hesitate, and unlike the short, chaste kiss she’d just given me, I insisted on more. My tongue came out, sweeping against the seam of her lips and demanding entrance. When they parted on a breathy sigh, I drove my tongue inside, dragging it against hers.
Every muscle in my body drew tight as a bow string as she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me closer. Fire coursed through my blood as I tangled my fingers in the hair at the nape of her neck and forced her head back so I could take the kiss deeper. I could feel her heartbeat, the frantic rhythm matching my own. Feel the way her nipples had tightened beneath her flimsy sports bra and were sharp against my chest.
The greedy little whimpers and moans spilling past her lush, kiss-swollen lips as I dragged my mouth along her jaw and down the column of her neck made my cock hard as steel. It pressed painfully against my fly, begging to be let free as I nipped at her earlobe and drove my hips against her, desperate for relief.
“God, Roan.” The way she moaned my name drove me out of my goddamn mind, and there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do to hear it over and over again. To hear her scream it at the top of her lungs.
I kissed her like our lives depended on it, like we’d cease to exist if our lips weren’t feeding from each other. She was the only person who’d ever made me feel so desperate and out of control.
Her hands moved, coming up so she could grip my hair and hold me to her like she was afraid I was going to stop. I always imagined I’d go slow the first time I kissed her once I finally got her back, that I’d savor every single second of it, memorize every aspect, but I couldn’t go slow. My need for Alma back then had bordered on desperation, on obsession, and it was no different now.
I rocked my erection against her again, the friction a blessing and a curse at the same time.
“Fuck, I’ve missed you,” I murmured against her lips before tugging on the bottom one with my teeth. She let out a hiss at the sting I caused, but I quickly soothed it with a stroke of my tongue, still remembering exactly what she liked. “I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of kissing you, baby.”
She whimpered and dropped her head back, demanding I lavish her sensitive neck with attention. She’d always had a gift for that, guiding me where she wanted me most without having to say a single word.
I wasn’t sure my cock could possibly get any harder. It pressed against my fly with so much pressure, I worried I’d have a permanent indent of the zipper teeth on the underside of my shaft for the rest of my life.
I dragged a hand down her body, letting the pad of my thumb catch on the stiff peak of her nipple through her shirt. I remembered how sensitive they were, and I intended to use that to my advantage.
