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“God, it’s so good,” I pointed out breathlessly. “Every single time.” He held me to him, so I propped my hands on his chest and rested on them so I could look up into his satisfied eyes. “Why is it always so damn good?”
I expected his eyes to glint with humor, but they didn’t. They grew darker as his expression turned serious. The way he was looking at me was enough to make me squirm, but it wouldn’t have done any good since he wouldn’t loosen his grip.
“Well, Freckles, I’d tell you why. But you freak out every time I try to and either run away or cover my mouth to stop me.”
My chin jerked backward like he’d slapped me. He might as well have with how painful that blow was.
I pressed up on his chest hard enough he didn’t have a choice but to loosen his grip. I shot off the bed and moved to the dresser, yanking the drawers open violently and digging through them for clothes, pulling pieces out without paying much attention to whether or not they matched.
I heard Roan sigh from the bed as I yanked a pair of panties up my legs. “Freckles, come on. Where are you going?”
“I have rehearsal,” I gritted out as I pulled a sports bra over my head.
“Don’t be mad. Come on, just come back to bed. We can talk about this.”
With my camisole in place, I pulled on my yoga shorts and spun around to face him, slamming my hands down on my hips. He sat in the middle of my bed, the covers pooling at his waist. Both his knees were cocked up, his forearms resting across the top of them.
“What’s there to talk about, huh?” I asked snippily. “The way you explain it, I sound like a cold bitch who’s terrified of expression actual feelings.”
I knew I was being irrational, but I couldn’t seem to make myself stop. It wasn’t like he didn’t have a point, like he wasn’t right. Maybe that was why the switch inside of me had flipped so easy. It was because he’d given voice to the fears I’d been pushing down, down, down for days. I was fine when he was letting me get away with it, but now that he’d called me out, my fight or flight instinct kicked in, and even though a tiny voice in the back of my head told me I was picking the wrong one, the desire to run coursed through me like molten lava, a need I couldn’t ignore.
“That’s not what I said, and you fucking know it,” Roan growled. His face went hard as he tossed the covers back and slid out of the bed. He snatched his underwear off the ground and pulled them back on. “You’re putting words in my mouth because you’re freaking out.” He crossed his arms over his chest, his mannerisms sharp and stubborn. I could see it in his eyes. He was done letting things slide. “Tell me I’m wrong.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I mumbled. It was damn near impossible to look at him, so I distracted myself by moving to my full-length mirror so I could wrap my hair in a knot on top of my head.
“Bullshit,” he snapped. “You knowexactlywhat the fuck I’m talking about. Stop playing those bullshit games, Alma.” He stomped over to me and grabbed my arm, forcing me to turn around. Taking my chin in his hand, he lifted my face to his. “Stop fucking running and talk to me, goddamn it,” he growled.
I threw my arms wide, the panic in my chest squeezing so tight it was nearly impossible to breathe. “What do you want me to say, huh?” I shouted, fully engrossed in my freak-out. “What the hell do you want from me, Roan?”
He rocked back on his heels, his hands dropping to his sides. “How can you even ask me that?” His voice came out so pained it felt like someone had shoved a knife into my heart. “How could you not know by now? I wantyou,Alma. Fuck,” he barked, ripping a hand through his hair. “I fucking love you.”
I took a step back, like those words were a real-life thing I needed to get away from. “Don’t say that,” I whispered past the tightness in my throat.
“Why the hell not?” he shouted in exasperation. “They’re the truth. I love you, Alma. I’ve always loved you.”
“Stop,” I hissed.
He shook his head, the sadness practically dripping from his pores. “Why does that scare you so much?”
My sinuses began to burn. My vision blurred with tears, but I blinked them back, refusing to let them fall. “You know why,” I answered, my voice coming out small, broken. “You crushed me once already, Roan. It’s only a matter of time before you do it again when you go back to Nashville. Excuse me for wanting to protect myself from the only man on the planet I’ve loved enough to break my heart.”
I’d revealed so much more than I wanted to, but the words wouldn’t stop spilling past my lips. It was as if a dam had broken, and there was no stopping it. I had to get out of there before those walls I tried so hard to live behind collapsed completely.
“I have to go,” I murmured, then, without looking back, I did exactly what he’d accused me of.
I ran.
28
ROAN
The front door slammed in the distance, and I let out a sigh, dropping my head forward.
“Goddamn it, Roan,” I cursed myself. “You fucking idiot.”
That hadn’t gone how I’d planned, not a single goddamn moment of it. I’d told myself over and over that I needed to be easy with her. That I needed to guide her into this relationship gently, with finesse. And what did I do? I approached it with all the grace of a fucking sledgehammer.
Of course she’d run. I didn’t blame her one damn bit. If I’d taken my own advice, maybe I’d have her in my arms at that very moment, both of us building our strength for round two.
