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Of course, in the aftermath of that wholly selfish moment, I couldn’t help feeling like a monster. There was one little detail from my story about Anya and the anchor that I hadn’t shared with Never, because if she knew, she might not leave.
Knowing what I did about her, she would give me back the pendant and try to find another way to get her brother home.
But she needed to leave. This wasn’t her world, and I wasn’t the kind of person a woman like her should ever end up with, especially after what I’d just done to her.
It would keep her safe. It would prevent the demon from taking her in exchange for her brother. But I was pretty sure she would never forgive me.
When Anya had stolen a part of me, when she’d carved a piece of my magical heart from my bleeding chest and held it up like a trophy, I understood what was happening. There was no gray area, no question. I couldn’t do anything to change the outcome, but at least I understood what I was losing.
With Never, I could have stopped her.
Ishouldhave.
Instead, I was reckless and utterly selfish. Taking her the way I did was likely the most selfish I’d ever been in my long life, and I should have felt absolutely miserable about it.
I certainly wasn’t proud of myself. There was still a tiny sliver of decency buried way down deep that was rattling its chains at what I’d done. Laying a godly claim to her soul was unforgivable. But even if I could turn back the incessant tick of that old clock and undo it, I wouldn’t.
She’d offered me that piece of herself, and even if she didn’t know that was what she was doing, I’d taken it, greedily. My one consolation was that when she went home—when she left this place forever and returned to her world—she would be taking a small piece of me back with her.
Quid pro quo.
* * *
I didn’t want to wake her. The moment she’d been working toward since she first stepped foot in my realm was on the horizon, but that selfish part of me wanted to keep her in bed, curled up with her warm skin pressed against mine.
She’d slept for a few more hours. It was fitful, filled with dreams that had her mumbling and jerking every now and then, but it was still probably the most sleep she’d managed since her brother had gone missing. Maybe that was why I was having a hard time convincing myself to rouse her.
A loud knock at the door did the job for me.
“Sir, it’s time.” William’s voice was muffled through the thick wood, but the urgency was clear.
Never didn’t stir with a sleepy grumble or come slowly awake with a long stretch. Not my girl. She shot up, wide awake in the space of a second.
“Just a minute,” she yelled toward the door.
She looked down at me with a mix of emotions flickering across her features and I waited, hanging on the edge. Did she realize what had happened between us? If she did, wouldn’t she be angry?
The look in her eyes spoke of sadness and longing. There was a little confusion in there too, but then she leaned in and pressed a soft, chaste kiss to my numb lips.
“I need my clothes.” She slipped out of my grip and off the bed and started throwing on clothes like she was in a race against time.
I stayed where I was, blinking like an idiot for a moment. She’d said nothing. Not a word about what had passed between us only a few hours earlier, and I wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or insulted.
“How are you feeling?” I asked, sitting up and tossing the covers aside.
She hopped on one foot trying to get the other in the leg of her pants and nearly crashed onto the loveseat when she glanced over at me. After she finally got her foot stuffed in the hole and started hitching the pants up her thighs, she shot me a glare.
“Clothes, pirate, put some on.” She motioned toward me, encompassing my naked frame with a flick of her wrist. “All of that is entirely too distracting.”
Her reaction to my nakedness smoothed some of my ruffled feathers. She wouldn’t have reacted like that if she was angry with me, right?
“My apologies,” I said, careful not to let a drop of remorse leak into the statement. I wanted to make my way over to her and pull her into my arms, to steal every second I could, but she was working herself up for a fight.
The meeting with Petra would be tricky. The demon’s hands were tied in one way; it couldn’t take the brother’s shadow without permission. Well, it could, but his soul would be next to worthless by the time the demon ripped it free. Which meant it would use every trick up its evil sleeve to get the kid to hand it over of his own free will.
Never pulled her shirt over her head and tugged it down. “Can I let him in?”
I gave her a quick nod, pulling on my own clothes and fighting to maintain an air of calm around me. She was whipping herself up into a frenzy and pulling me along with her. “Yes, please.”
