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“If Yuri is a hallucination, is it a harmful one? No. Is he a result of my declining health? Perhaps. But in the end, if it’s not hurting me, then maybe you should stop trying to ‘help’ me,” he air-quoted. “Because a dying man could perceive that help as cruel.”
Dr. Williams paled. “I can understand how you might feel like that. I think we’ve discussed this enough.”
“I couldn’t agree more.” Keith aimed the remote at the TV, and resumed watching his movie. Dr. Williams walked slowly from the room, and when the door closed behind him, Keith pressed the buzzer.
The pain was almost unbearable.
I don’t think I can cope with much more of this.
When Heidi arrived later that day, Keith was more than ready to give her a piece of his mind, but one glance at her face stopped him in his tracks.
She removed her coat, scarf and hat, then perched on the edge of the mattress.
“We need to talk.”
His heart plummeted. “You’ve found out something about Michael.”
Her eyes widened. “No. Nothing like that. Darrell’s still looking for him. No, we need to talk about... Yuri.”
His earlier anger bubbled close to the surface, and he had to work hard to keep it in check.
“Spare me. I already had one psych evaluation today. But you probably know all about that, don’t you?”
She flushed. “I asked Anna about it yesterday before I left. How did it go?”
“You already know that too, don’t you?” Jesus, he hurt, but pain relief could wait until he’d had this out with her. “So what do we need to talk about?”
Heidi fiddled with the strap on her purse. “I spent the morning at our old high school.”
“What were you doing there?” Then it came to him. “You were checking their records, weren’t you? To see if Yuri really was a student there.” Her silence sent cold spreading through him. “You’re about to tell me there was never a Yuri Komarov at Stillwater Area High School.”
She nodded. “Now will you believe me? Will you believe the doctor?” Her gaze grew compassionate. “There’s no hot gay nurse, Keith. Your brain invented him.”
He glared at her. “Why did you have to go digging? What harm was it doing, for me to have someone to talk to when I really needed them? Someone I could relate to, someone who understood me? Well? Couldn’t you let me just enjoy my delusions while I still can?” He covered his eyes with his arm. “Just go, will you?”
“Keith, I—”
“I mean it. Go.”
He didn’t uncover his eyes, but lay there and listened to the door opening and closing, tears welling up and spilling onto his cheeks.
I don’t care if he’s not real. He felt real to me.
Yuri helped him cope with the pain, helped him to not think about the inevitable.
What’s better, sis? An imaginary friend who brings a smile? Or a truth that brings a tear?
Keith knew which one he wanted.
Thursday, December 22, 2022
Keith watched Yuri go about his habitual checks, except now there was a voice in his head that wouldn’t go away.
He’s not real.
He’s not here.
The realization left an ache in his heart no medication could assuage.
