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26
CADEN
Pain sears through my side, and I grit my teeth, trying to ignore the throbbing ache. Lying in the guest room of Ciarán’s penthouse, jealousy and self-doubt plague me. I knew it was a mistake coming here, but now it’s even worse than I thought it would be.
Summer.
As much as I hate to admit it, Summer has had an incredible impact on my brothers. It’s like she’s breathed new life into them. The dark and brooding energy that once dragged them under seems to dissipate when she’s around. She’s the light that chases away their shadows, and I find myself envious of that connection, that magic she weaves around them.
“Fuck,” I mutter under my breath, pressing a hand against my wound, trying to ease the pain. If only I could have her in my life, maybe things would be different. But no matter how much I try to be the charming, flirty version of myself, nothing ever changes.
My jealousy festers, but deep down, I know it’s not about wanting to take away what my brothers have. It’s about wanting something like that for myself, someone who could break through my barriers and make me feel alive again. But for now, all I have is pain and darkness, covered up with the fake light I try to force to the front every damn day. It’s fucking exhausting. I need someone I can be myself around who knows my innermost secrets and doesn’t fucking run like that bitch two years ago who fucked me over. The unending question of whether or not I’ll ever be enough is enough to bring tears to my eyes, but I blink them away, gritting my teeth.
I hate that I caused the argument between them earlier, but I didn’t hate what I heard. Summer feels the instant connection between us, but it’s not surprising. She is with my triplet brothers. She sees them in me. It’s fine for now, it’s what will draw her in, but one day I want her to knowme.
Lost in my thoughts, I’m suddenly jarred by the sound of the bedroom door slamming shut, followed by the unmistakable click of the lock. A wave of heat rushes through me as I realize what’s happening behind that closed door. Ciarán, Cathal, and Summer are together, fucking and excluding me.
“Fuck,” I hiss as the jealousy boils up. The pain in my side intensifies as I shift in the bed, struggling to find a position that doesn’t make me want to groan with agony.
The sounds coming from the other room only fuel my longing to be included, but as usual with my brothers, I’m left out in the cold.
I force myself to focus on something else, anything to drown out the sounds of pleasure and passion that seem to mock my loneliness. My breaths come in shallow rasps as I attempt to calm myself, but the pain in my side serves as a constant reminder of just how fucked up everything is right now.
But despite my efforts to ignore it, the harsh truth remains—I’m alone and in pain, while my brothers and the woman I suddenly crave are screwing like rabbits and sharing something that I can only dream of. And as much as it hurts, I wonder if maybe I don’t deserve that kind of love and happiness after all.
It hurts like a motherfucker, but it’s a fact—they must see me as a failure. A weak link in the chain. The thought gnaws at me, opening up old wounds I’ve tried so hard to stitch shut.
This isn’t just about physical pain—it’s about proving myself to the two people I care about most in the world: my brothers. And now the beautiful angel whose light has breathed life back into my dark existence.
“Fuck this,” I grit out through clenched teeth. No more wallowing. Time to sort my shit out and face whatever reality is waiting for me.
As quietly as possible, I swing my legs over the edge of the bed and push myself up, sucking in a sharp breath when my injury protests. Ignoring the agony, I grab my bloody, ripped tee and pull it on with shaky hands before struggling with my boots that Ciarán ripped off when he practically threw me in the bed earlier.
Opening the door quietly, I walk silently toward the front door.
Pressing my hand against the throbbing wound in my side, I push the door open and slip out to the elevator.
Striding across the lobby, ignoring the pain, I exit the building, the cool air a welcome relief on my sweaty face and battered body, but it’s a small price to pay for the chance to finally sort my shit out—away from their watchful eyes and crushing expectations, and this way, I don’t have to tell them fuck all. Ciarán wouldn’t have let it lie. He wants to know who came after me and I’m not telling them jack.
Leaning against the exterior wall of the apartment building, the pain in my side flaring with each breath. “Fuck.” I should’ve known better than to come here in the first place, chasing after some fantasy of belonging that’s always been just out of reach.
Clutching my side, I force myself to focus on the task at hand—getting the hell out of here and putting as much distance between me and the penthouse as possible.
Pushing off the wall, I stumble into the shadows. My body protests with every step, but I grit my teeth and keep moving, determined not to let my brothers witness my pathetic retreat.
“Hey, man, you okay?” Some random guy approaches me, genuine concern in his eyes. But all I can think is how he doesn’t know the half of it.
“Mind your own damn business,” I snap, shoving him away and continuing on my agonizing journey as he yells curses at me I deserve. He was trying to help, but I don’t need his fucking help.
My mind is consumed with thoughts of what could have been and what will never be. They will never let me back in. Not the way I need them to. The pain in my side is secondary to the pain in my heart. It’s like a knife twisting inside me, a constant reminder of my failures. A reminder that I’m not good enough for anyone, let alone someone like Summer.
But I can’t keep dwelling on this. I need to keep moving.
As I walk through the busy city streets, the surrounding bustle only emphasizes the darkness in my soul. It’s like a physical weight, dragging me down, suffocating me.
I keep walking, one step at a time, until the pain in my side becomes too much to bear. Collapsing onto a nearby bench, I grunt, leaning heavily on the arm of the old metal bench. I need to get off the streets. They’ll still be looking for me, ready to end this once and for all. Hauling my sorry ass up again, I stumble towards a standard hotel that caters to people working away from home.
Entering the bar area, I scout around and find my target. Straightening up as much as I can, I stride over and lift the suit jacket from the back of the chair, disappearing quickly as I slip it on and make my way to the front desk to get a room for a couple of nights where I can drink myself into oblivion and collapse until I wake up with a raging hangover, just to do it all over again while I heal up enough to move on.
