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I can barely hear her over my racing heart. “He was letting someone off the hook?”
“I know, surprised me too. I've never known him to let someone off the hook before.” Charlotte flashes a small grin. “That is, before he met you.”
“Do you think this happened because I—”
“Don't feel guilty, Nikita. Don't do that to yourself. We know the risks involved in this life. You can't blame yourself.”
“I want to see him.”
“I know. And you will. But you have to look after yourself first.”
I chew on the inside of my cheek. I suppose that at this moment, Charlotte kind of has a point. I can't worry about Leo if I can barely get out of bed to see him myself. I can already imagine his disappointment if he found out something happened to me.
“How do you do it?” I asked her weakly. “Your whole family is involved in thisworld. Aren't you afraid of something happening to them? How do you deal with all thewhat ifs?”
Charlotte leans back in her seat and nods, offering me a kind, understanding smile. “I'd be lying if I said I wasn't terrified around the clock, but you get used to it. You'll have to get used to it, if you're serious about Leo.”
“I am serious about Leo.”
“Are you sure that’s wise?” She puts her hands up, almost as if an anticipation of the defensive retort on the tip of my tongue. “I just mean you have to be a special kind of woman to be involved with someone like him. You need to understand that as long as you're together, anything—even death—is a possibility.”
I swallow hard at the sticky lump lodged in the back of my throat. “I know. I've already accepted that. I love Leo, and that's never going to change.”
Her eyebrows shoot up. “You love him? Does he know?”
“I haven't told him yet, but I'm pretty sure he does.”
“I hope you understand this means you're in it for the long haul. Through all of the ups and downs, all of the scares. Because theywillhappen again.”
I nod. “I can handle it.”
Charlotte giggles. “I know. Anyone ballsy enough to grab one of our pakhans by the shirt like that will have no trouble fitting in.”
“You don't think he's mad about that, do you?”
“Nah. Though I should probably tell you never to do it again. Seriously. It’s not a good look, if you know what I mean, letting himself get throttled by a woman half his size.”
I laughed softly. “Okay, I promise.”
The doctor returns with a small box of supplies in hand. “Ready?”
“As I'll ever be,” I reply as steadily as I can manage.
Chapter 32
Nikita
Inever knew what it was like to have a big family, but one of the great things about being welcomed into this one is I'm never alone.
If it's not Roman or Charlotte keeping me company at Leo's bedside, then it's Andre and Sandra as well as their twin toddlers, or Samuil and Damien who tend to pop in whenever they have the spare time. They've welcomed me into the fold with such ease I'm starting to wonder if this was meant to be. They may be gangsters, but there's nothing scary about them. Not once have they made me feel like an outsider, and for that I'm grateful.
But the moments in between, when we are alone, I can truly appreciate the quiet. Today is Christmas Eve. I've been praying for Leo's speedy recovery, and the doctors have confirmed he's doing very well healing-wise, but there's still no telling when he's going to wake up or what state of mind he'll be in when he does. The real danger, they tell me, is if he stays under too long, we could be looking at possible brain damage.
I try not to think about that, though. I need to try and stay positive.
Besides, Leo is the strongest man I know. If anyone can make it out of this unscathed, it's him. For now, I just have to be patient. I have to hold on to that tiny seed of hope that he'll wake up soon. And when he does, I have some very important news to share with him. News confirmed by my bloodwork and the ultrasound, that is…
“Ooh, did you see this one?” Roman asks as he shows me the article pulled up on his phone. “They’re calling you theAngel of the Bolshoi. Credit where credit is due, Nikita, you sure have a flair for the dramatic.”
