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I want to go to Morgana and lose myself in her soft curves. But Idon'twant to use her body just to distract myself. Putting my hands on her isn't fair when my head and heart are a million miles away.
I'm just drunk and maudlin, dwelling on the past.
Snap out of it. What's done is done.
24
Morgana
Iexpected Vlad to return, climb into bed beside me, and fill the house with my screams of ecstasy. I showered, shaved, and did all the gonna-get-laid prep work, only to fall asleep waiting for him.
There's no getting away from it. I want to feel him inside me, even only once. He wants me, too, and nothing is stopping us.
A cramping sensation seizes my stomach. What if he stayed out all night?
No. His blanket is on the couch, and his suit and shoes are gone.
There's a knock on the door. It's Dulcie, carrying a tray, and behind her is a sleepy-looking Lilyana.
"Hi," Lili says. "Dulcie madesharlotkaand coffee if you'd like it." She catches my confused expression and smiles. "It's Russian-style apple cake, the best in the world." She thrusts a gift-wrapped parcel into my arms. "And this is for you, from Vladi."
I sit on the couch and undo the silver ribbon. Under the velvet wrapping paper is a box containing something I never thought I'd own.
"Are you crying?" Dulcie asks incredulously. "It's only a camera."
"Only a camera? It's wonderful. The best thing I ever had." I hold the box aloft like it's the Holy Grail. "The Canon EOS R5 is perfect for the pictures I want to take. It has a lag-free viewfinder and top-speed autofocus, including eye and face detection…" my voice tails off as I realize both women are staring at me. "Okay. It's interesting tome.I've never even seen a five-thousand-dollar camera before. Vlad can afford anything, but he got me something he knew I would love."
An envelope is taped to the box. Inside is a postcard with a watercolor print of a fox in a snowy forest. He didn't write anything on it, but it makes me smile.
"We'll leave you to it," Dulcie says. "The boys have left, and when Sergey's wheelchair has been prepared, David will take him to the church. I'll help Lilyana get dressed, and when she's ready, I'll send her to you."
"Josie will be here soon. Will you please send her up too?"
"Of course."
* * *
I rummage until I find what I need, and I take only a short time to blow-dry and set my hair in rollers. I'm enjoying a piece of the cake when Josie bustles in, buckling under the weight of two garment bags.
"Jesus," she says. "This house is insane. I see the appeal of this bratva lifestyle. Even if Vlad wasn't gorgeous, it'd be worth it." She pours the coffee. "How are you feeling?"
I explain what happened last night. Josie's expression remains neutral, but I know her better than that.
"So you and Vlad are fighting your desire to screw each other senseless, but it looks like you're gonna lose?" She furrows her brow. "Well, maybe you need to get it out of your system. Because actually falling for him would be extremely dumb. He's a killer, Morgana. Is it sensible to mess with the heart of a man who could make you disappear on a whim?"
"Noneof this is sensible," I reply, "but I'm in the thick of it now. There's no backing out, no alternatives. And I can't help how he makes me feel."
Josie spoons sugar into her cup. "And what doeshethink?"
That question gives me pause.
"I think something about me is troubling him. Either he likes me too much, or he's just confused, but he's not handling this supposedly sham relationship with the cold distance I was expecting. "
"The stunt you're gonna pull today might clarify matters," Josie says. "He may murder you for your impudence once you've signed the marriage license. He should have booked a funeral straight after and saved paying twice for catering."
Josie unzips the heavier of the two garment bags, and I sigh at the sight of the dress. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen and worlds away from the decoy I picked at the boutique.
"The fifth place I called had it in stock." Josie fluffs the skirt. "With it being a corset, it should fit, but we'd better get you into it and see?"
