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I don’t have the heart to deny it.
Chapter 25
Blythe
Ihitched a ride into town with Heston this morning. He didn’t say a single word to me the entire time, except when he dropped me off. He mumbled it, but I think it was something along the lines of“See ya.”
There’s a quiet strength about him that is equally terrifying as it is calming. He might be as silent as a mouse most of the time, but something in his eyes lets me know that he’s a good person. The guys at the ranch all trust him, so that’s something. He thinks too hard and can’t be bothered with mundane conversation, sure. But I never feel like I have to be someone that I’m not around him and I like that.
I wanted to come into the café for the day. I’ve been working hard on the business plan for it, and I couldn’t hold back from showing Sofia.
Her reaction was emotional, to say the least. The way that she covered her heart with her hand and teared up when I walked her through the plan made it all worth it. Deep down, I knew it was a long shot in getting the café back up and running. But I think showing her how much I, and others in the community, felt about supporting her and her business means so much more. She agreed to let me help her adjust some things and reach out to investors, but the underlying tone of her voice was laced with already-admitted defeat.
The economy for small business owners is next to impossible right now, especially in a small town with no tourism. She relies on the locals and has been unwilling to up her prices to stay in business, even after the cost of goods has risen so much in the last few years. Her heart is so big. She couldn’t bring herself to charge the people of this town more money for her product.
Gently, I tried to reassure her that we could make this work. I care about her success and just want to help in any way that I can. The community would agree with me, no doubt. I know I can’t force her to make the changes or reopen her doors to the public, but I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I didn’t try.
It was sweet of her to let me stay and work on my mortifying inbox full of unanswered emails. They still have WiFi up until the end of the month, so I took full advantage when she offered to let me cozy up in my little corner to work.
Opening my inbox to nearly a hundred missed emails was a snap back to reality. Admittedly, I’ve lost focus of my goals in the midst of rolling in the hay with a certain cowboy. I can’t say I regret it though. I’ve had the time of my life forgetting the rest of the world and leaning into the way he makes me feel.
Alive.
Special.
Wanted.
I just hope I haven’t ruined my chances of matching with one of my top-ranked programs. I’ve been procrastinating getting back to them all because, to be honest, I don’t know where I want to go. If work was my top priority right now, I’d be doing mock interviews on Zoom, or visiting programs around the country that have invited me to come.
I take a second to sip one of my many emotional support drinks, close my eyes, and pinch the bridge of my nose.
Remember why you are doing this. You need this career to take care of your family. To feel accomplished. Successful. You can’t quit now just because you’re feeling rusty and unmotivated.
This is exactly why I stayed away from distractions throughout medical school. I never wanted to miss a single opportunity or slip even an inch below greatness. I blow out a breath and shake my head back and forth. Cracking my knuckles and tilting my head from side to side, I dig deep for the mental clarity that used to come easily to me.
Hours later, my head is starting to feel light and my eyes are doing that droopy thing that happens when you stare at a screen for too long. I fumble through my bag to find my phone and sigh when I realize it’s almost four o’clock and I’ve been here since seven this morning. My brain is going to turn to mush if I don’t pack up and head back to the bunkhouse.
Getting back to the ranch is overwhelmingly exciting to me.Muchmore so than working on my computer and having to stare at the screen for the rest of the night like I normally would. But we’ll ignore that little fact for now.
Lately, if I needed to be picked up, Warren is my obvious go-to text. He said he was going to be pretty busy with something this afternoon though, so I suppose I could just ask Heston or Tripp. Since it’s Friday, I’m sure they’re almost done with work and coming into town for one thing or another anyway.
But I can’t help but shoot Gage a text instead. I haven’t seen him in almost four days. Between helping my mom with recovery and him being so busy on the ranch, our paths have barely crossed.
I wiggle in my seat and can’t wipe the smile off of my face when I click on his contact in my phone. Now would be a great time for another self-pep talk. One that includes“you’re pathetic”and“rein it in a little for goodness sake.”But I can’t bring myself to care. I like feeling a little giddy over something for once. Even if it’s as simple as texting Gage.
Me:Can you pick me up from the café?
It takes a minute for the text to be read. I smile when I see that he’s opened the text. He suggested we turn on our read receipts the day after my Mom had surgery and I didn’t reply to his text all afternoon.
“How am I supposed to know if you’re not hurt or something when I don’t even know if you opened the text?”he said.
He doesn’t know the real reason that I didn’t reply is that when I saw that he texted me, I was over the moon excited. I’m talking buying-new-sparkly-boots excited. It worried me. I hated the feeling because I never wanted to like him as much as I do. I didn’t reply just to punish myself for getting in too deep with my feelings.
It didn’t go over well. Let’s just say he has an overprotective side and that’s the understatement of the century. It’s cute that he worries about me and I won’t admit what it did to my lady parts when he scolded me about needing to know if I was safe. Throbbing, I tell you.
I was slightly annoyed at the time, but now I realize that’s his way of showing that he cares without actually coming out and saying it. He didn’t have to check in to see if my mom was doing alright or if we needed anything. But he did. And he wanted very much for me to reply.
Gage:Look outside
