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“You’re a soulless son of a bitch, you know that?” I said, wishing with all my might that he would spontaneously combust there on the spot.
“No, I just have a job to do. And I can’t go being a bleeding heart for everybody who wants something from me.”
“You should help me. We want the same thing!”
“No we don’t,” he said as he got on the motorcycle. “I want to put a bunch of criminals in jail, because that’s where they belong. You’d let the criminals go free, just as long as you get your revenge.”
“I want to see whoever killed her in jail,” I protested angrily.
Eddie scoffed. “Is that why you’re carrying around a .38?”
“That’s for protection.”
“Yeah, well, that worked out real well, didn’t it?”
“Fuck you!” I yelled. “I hope Lou does find out about you, and I hope he puts a bullet in the back of your head!”
I felt ashamed of myself as soon as I said it – but Eddie just smirked. “There she is – the real Fiona Christensen.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean it.”
“Yes you did. But I don’t blame you.” He started the bike. “If you get something useful on Jack, call me. You’ve got the number.”
With that, he roared down the dusty road back toward the highway, leaving me alone in the noonday sun.
12
Idrove the two hours back to LA in silence. No radio, just the sound of the road under my wheels and the hum of the other cars around mine. There was no need for anything to distract me – my mind was already swimming with everything that Jack, Kade, and Eddie had said to me.
If you care about me at all, don’t fuck me on this.
Every single goddamn thing I just said, I would have told you two hours ago before you destroyed my life.
When you make a decision like you did, there are consequences. I would have made the same decision, and I’d live with those consequences. You should, too.
You’re a bigger asshole than I thought.
I’m sorry about your cousin. But she made her choices, and they led to that back alley. You made your choices, too, so quit crying and acting like you didn’t know what you were doing.
Be thankful you walked away with your life.
I want to put a bunch of criminals in jail, because that’s where they belong. You’d let the criminals go free, just as long as you get your revenge.
I was in love with you. I trusted you… and you hurt me worse than anybody else in my entire fucking life.
Then I guess you’re fucked.
I guess I was.
My grand crusade to find my cousin’s murderer was finished, and I had utterly, completely failed. Not only that, but I had left a massive swath of destruction in my wake while the bad guys went free. Now all that was left was to try to forget everything that had happened over the last seven days.
I figured I would probably try to spend the rest of my life forgetting.
I also had to cobble back together a life for myself. The difficulty was, I had nothing left to go back to. At least, I had no place to live; I had let my apartment’s month-to-month lease go when I made my decision to leave LA.
I had a couple of friends I could crash with for a few weeks while I got my bearings… but there was one person I had to go see before anyone else.
I parked my car in front of Sid’s crappy office in Hollywood and walked through the front door. It was the same ramshackle mess I remembered so fondly: worn linoleum, dark wood paneling, and furniture that looked like it belonged in a Goodwill store.
