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“Sid – ”
“Just think of it as rent. Cheaper than a hotel.”
“Sid – ”
“It’s incentive, it’ll light a fire under yer ass. I ain’t a landlord, you know.”
“SID – ”
“I’m joking. Jesus.” He went back to his computer and muttered under his breath, “Give ‘em a mile and they take an inch.”
Ah, home. Like nothing had changed at all.
Except every single thing that had meant something to me… and I could never get it back.
13
Jack
Ibasically went off the deep end for a few days.
I spent most of the time in a booze-fueled haze. Just like I knew it would, the pain came roaring up out of me.
Pain at not having her there, and rage at what she did to me.
To be honest, there was a lot more of the first part than the second. I spent a lot of time thinking about her body… her breasts… that look of shock she always gave me when I first slid inside her… the way she sounded when she came.
The way she tasted when I kissed her. The way her waist felt in my hands when I held her.
The smell of her hair… the gleam in her eyes when she smiled…
Fuck.
I couldn’t get her out of my head.
Wasn’t even sure if I wanted to.
I couldn’t decide if I hated her or still loved her. It changed from minute to minute. I remembered what Kade had said: If somebody gunned you down in a back alley, I know I’d fuck over every last person in the world to find out who did it so I could kill them.
How could I begrudge her that?
Only problem was, I’d paid the price. It was me she’d fucked over.
That made it a hell of a lot harder to stomach.
So I’d go back into my cycle of hating her and lusting after her. I’d imagine myself fucking her, kissing her, holding her… wanting her.
And then I’d usually go pour myself another drink.
There was other pain, too. My hatred of Lou, for one. My wounded pride. The knowledge that I was no longer in charge of the Midnight Riders.
But none of it really compared to wanting to have her there with me, and knowing she was gone forever.
It was a tough fucking couple of days. I was barely functional. Most of it was just me going back and forth to the liquor cabinet. Kade would drop by every once in a while just to make sure I wasn’t dead, then leave me to my squalor.
But round about the third day, when I woke up drunk at dawn, I figured it might be a good idea to get back out in the world and make sure I didn’t destroy my life before Lou got a chance to.
After I sweated out most of the alcohol, followed by a cold shower and a pot of black coffee, I went into the body shop around 2 o’clock.
