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“What angel?”
Aidan points, and I follow his line of sight to Mina at the other end of the store.I suspect she saw the kid and vacated the area for fear he’d recognize her.Too late.She’s standing under a spotlight in the lingerie department, and she really does look like an angel right now.
I have no idea what to say to this kid in response to his request.I mean, how would I even fit her under the tree?It takes everything in me not to petulantly state that No, she’smyangel and Aidan can’t have her.
“She protected me from the bad man a long time ago,” he states very seriously.
Oh to live in an age of innocence where five months is “a long time ago.”And I realize with sinking clarity, that I’m the bad man this angel protected him from.His memories are confused and muddled.After so much change and grief and trauma, he’s misremembering that night.He’s somehow conveniently forgotten Mina was shooting people, too.Or maybe he just never saw her until she was helping him.Maybe he was too focused on me andmycarnage to notice her tiny ball of fury.
I imagine it would have made the night much less scary to think of her as an angel and not one of the bad guys, so he at least had one person on his side.
“I’m afraid I need her at my workshop so all the boys and girls get their presents in time.Can I get you something else?”I ask, sounding like I’m a Holiday waiter.“Isn’t there anything else you’d like, something you haven’t asked your Uncle for?”
Now I’m treading on very dangerous ice because there is every possibility that Aidan will excitedly tell his Uncle all about how much I seem to know about him.And for that reason, I’m retiring as Santa Claus just as soon as this kid is off my lap.We’ll just have to find another way to our target—it’s not like this was a winning strategy anyway.
He thinks for a few minutes, and some other kid that’s way too old to be visiting Santa tells Aidan to hurry up.I glare at the kid in question, and he backs down.
“Well,” Aidan says, “There is this one thing.”
He goes on to describe to me a sort of magnetic dinosaur building kit.
“I’ll see what I can do.”I’m about to disengage and send him on his way when he looks up at me, his face turning very serious once again.
“I know you can’t bring my parents back, but you’re magic, right?You fly through the sky with reindeer, so can you tell them something for me?”
“Sure, Kid.”I can’t deny his request twice.And anyway, he’s not going to know I don’t have direct access to his parents or that I never delivered his message to the great beyond.
“Tell them I’m going to be okay, and they don’t have to worry, and I hope they are doing okay, too.”
I nod, not trusting my voice.He gets off my lap and inexplicably gives me a high five, then runs off back to his uncle.I have to say, he’s coping remarkably well for only five months out from losing his dad.I expected we’d be in a much worse place right now.But then maybe it hasn’t fully hit him yet.He’s had a lot of changes the past few months.
With his aunt, he was just trying to avoid her rage.And then he got to move in with his favorite uncle, and the holiday season started.I’m betting he’s just very distracted by all of it.
We haven’t even begun to see the long term effects.I’m sure of that.It’s not that I want him to turn into a criminal.No, that’s not the truth.I do want him to turn into a criminal.I want to teach him everything I know someday.
But it’s a foolish and misplaced dream for a family that can never be.And men like me don’t get to have dreams like that.And the fact that I’d even want it is exactly the reason I’m not fit to be a father.
6
BRIAN
Electricity buzzes along the surface of my skin as I smile down with a maniacal evil clown grin at Julie, Gabe’s girl.Only that’s the problem.Sheisn’tGabe’s girl.She wears no collar to protect her from me.She’s fair game—fresh innocent meat for me to play with.
I’ve got her strapped down to a metal chair in one of my cells.
I sent Mina off to do some recon.I don’t expect her to learn anything useful.We’ve hit a dead end with Dante without even the first clue about how to get close enough to remove him from the gene pool.But I sent her away because she might get in the way of… this.I know she wouldn’t approve.I’m being a very bad puppy right now.
I lean down closer and sniff Julie’s strawberries and cream shampoo.“I’ve waited so long for this,” I whisper against her hair.“Since you rebuffed our boy, Gabe, I’ve been waiting for the right moment to… fix you.”
You can’t do this.She’s broken like Mina was.
I squeeze my eyes shut to block out the stirrings of a long dead conscience.I’ve already taken all the baby birds under my wing that I’m going to.Mina.Aidan.No more strays.No more.
I shove away a memory of Julie playing Chopin upstairs on the piano.I will not be soft with her.I will not spare her my rage.If Gabe wanted to protect her he should have locked a collar around her throat like he had some fucking sense.He knows the rules.Too many people around here are starting to think I’m housebroken, and I need to remind them of the monster that lives below.
She glances over at the metal tray table where I’ve laid out all my tools on white parchment.Her eyes widen as she realizes my plans for torture.
I place a hand on her knee.“You’re trembling, Julie.”
