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“Knew what!?Jesus, Brian, whatever it is, just say it.Say it so we can get past it!”
“There’s no getting past it.”
“That’s not for you to decide!”
His gaze narrows on me, and I can see when the decision is made.“Fine.But you asked for this.Just remember you could have remained blissfully ignorant.”
Oh, yes, it’s been total bliss.
Another full minute passes before he sighs and says, “I almost killed you.I wanted to.”
I just blink at him.
“Because I let Gregor kiss me?”
Brian scrubs a hand through his hair.“No.I just… I can’t explain it.It’s not rational.”
“But you didn’t.You didn’t even hurt me.We all have dark thoughts, Brian.But you didn’t act on them.That’s what’s important.”
“You have no idea how close I came.”
That admission sends a chill through me, but I know what he’s doing.He’s trying to scare me.He’s punishing himself for something he didn’t do because I refused to.So in a way, maybe he’s punishing me.But I don’t think he’d see it that way.
He brushes past me.“I’m going back to the house.Don’t follow me.”
I stare after him and resist the urge to crumple to the ground and cry some more.Of all the feelings Brian has brought out in me since I returned from Japan, the one that slices the deepest is this grief at the way he’s pulled away.
It wasn’t immediate.That first night when we got back from the Windsor estate, I thought we were okay—or that we would be.And nothing was noticeable for the first few days because we were busy planning and taking care of Gabe’s job.
The big take down of Dmitri’s house.It was personal to Gabe but he paid us handsomely for the work.He’d been hung up on Julie several months before but lost track of her.He’d stopped pursuing her and let her go because she was too sweet and innocent for his darker brand of sex and desire, a fact I don’t disagree with judging from their current state of limbo.
When he found her again, she’d been kidnapped and was being trafficked in Dmitri’s house—prostituted out to all his gross associates.Dmitri had made our house an offer of partnership and Gabe was sent to go check it out, not knowing the full details of the way they were running their business.When he got there and found Julie, he’d requested she be brought to him for the night but ended up buying her to get her out of there.
Three days after Halloween, Brian and I took down their house and killed Dmitri and all his associates.I made an anonymous call to the police to get the girls to safety that night.
But Julie and Gabe still aren’t really together.And right now it feels like Brian and I aren’t really together.Anton and Annette seem to be the only happy couple at the moment.
Somehow despite my best intentions, a few stray tears have made their way down my cheeks.I swipe them away with the back of my hand then glance to the side and notice several bottles gathered beside one of the trees.Brian and I collect them from the cafeteria at the end of each day.
Phyllis wanted to send them to recycling, but we decided we’d recycle them into target practice.I’m sure he was planning to go through all of them before I showed up to bust up his guilt party.I pick up a handheld broom and brush stray shards of glass off the tree stumps, then I carefully line my bottles up.
I shoot until I run out of ammo, but my aim is not nearly as good as Brian’s when I’m upset.I shoot more trees than bottles—sending birds scattering and squawking as they abandon their trees—though I do get the satisfaction of at least breaking a few.
“Fuck this,” I say to the now empty forest.I’m not letting Brian ignore me.He wants to be punished?He wants to pay for the crime of having a bad thought?Fine.
Wish fucking granted.
I holster the 9mm and go back to the house, ignoring the startled looks on everybody’s faces as I blaze past them with new purpose.Brian told me not to follow him, but fuck him.He can’t ban me from my own room.He’s getting over this shit one way or another.
He’s in the shower when I reach our dungeon room.Good.I input the code for the weapons room and return my gun to the drawer I took it from.I’ll have to remember to clean it later.Brian is religious about cleaning his guns after each use, and it’s probably why he’s just now gotten into the shower.But right now, I have other priorities.
I press my palm against one of the stones in the wall, and a thinner hidden drawer slides out with all of Brian’s syringes—several already prepped and ready to go.
He’s just getting out of the shower, toweling off, and wiping the steam from the bathroom mirror when he spots me.
“Mina, I thought I told you not to…”
But he doesn’t get the rest out.He catches the shiny glint of the needle in the mirror just before I jab it in his neck.He goes down like an elephant.
