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“Of course I trust you.It’s not you I’m worried about.”
She strides back over to me, and then her hand is caressing over my cock again.
“Mina…” I groan, willing myself to tell her to stop, but the words refuse to come.
“Look, I’m not dealing with your weird little guilt party anymore.It’s fucking unnatural.You don’t trust yourself?Fine.Then trust me.”
“What exactly are you asking for?”
“I’m asking you to put yourself in my hands and trust me to drive for a while.”
“What does that mean?”
“You know what it means.Don’t play dumb.You’ve lived in this house far too long not to understand power exchange.”
I just blink.I mean I am chained up here, and it’s not as though we haven’t had our games back and forth, but she wants something real.She wants my surrender to her.Myrealsurrender.And it isn’t a completely unfair ask.She’s given me hers, after all.
“What are the parameters?What would this entail?”I don’t know why I’m asking.It’s crazy.I can’t allow this to happen.Even if she’s the one holding the whip, it doesn’t make her safe.
“Upstairs with the house, we continue as we have been.There’s no reason for anyone up there to know our private business.For jobs, we continue as we’ve been—equal partners.Down here, privately?You’re mine.I initiate, you comply.I give the orders; you obey them.Without questioning my methods or complaining.”
“Mina… I don’t see how this can...”
“Shhhh.”She presses a finger against my lips.“You don’t trust yourself.Trust me.I need you to commit to this.It’s not forever, just until you trust yourself again.”
“But I’m still stronger than you, even if you tie me up, you have to let me go eventually, what if…”
“You’re not going to kill me.And if you misbehave like a bad puppy, well you have to sleep sometime, and I know where the drugs are.I’ll punish you if youactuallydo something wrong.”
I can’t believe this, but I want to do it.I want to let go of the responsibility for just a little while—this tight leash I always feel like I have to keep on myself ever since I realized just how much danger I am to her.
If there is one person I trust in this world, it’s Mina.I know she won’t break me or hurt me.I know she won’t humiliate me or treat me like some dog.But I don’t know if I can.I’m afraid I’ll slip the leash and bite her.
Several minutes pass in silence.
“Brian?”
I sigh.“Untie me.I can’t do this.”
“Brian…”
“Now!”I snap at her—like me snapping at her is going to make her feel motivated to let me roam free near her.
She’s crying when she releases me from the shackles.As soon as I’m free, I practically flee from the dungeon.I want to comfort her.I want to hold her and kiss her and tell her everything’s going to be okay, but I can’t face her.I can’t face myself.I go into our bedroom and put on a pair of pants and a black T-shirt.I can’t go upstairs naked, and I’m always conscious of letting anyone at the house see the scars on my back from my childhood.I’m dressed and I’m about to ascend the stairs when her voice stops me.
“Brian!”
I freeze, my hand gripping the railing.
“A-are we over?”
I can’t stand her tears.Why the fuck am I like this?Why can’t I be a better man for her?
“I just need some space,” I say quietly, still not able to look at her.
“All you’ve had is space.For weeks!Can’t you see how this is killing me?”
I go to her and gather her in my arms and just hold her.“Please stop crying, Mina.I can’t do what you want because I can’t be intimate with you right now.I need some time to figure myself out.Please just give me that time.”
