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Anger slices through my veins, causing my fingers to fist, and Farin must notice, because he shakes his head as if he’s been misunderstood. “I don’t mean to taunt you.”
“I can’t say I really care what you mean or don’t mean to do.” I find myself pacing across the stone floor, zigzagging like a predator who’s been lucky enough to find their prey sleeping.
A faint grimace curls Farin’s lips, and something close to hurt flashes in his eyes, though I decide it must be a trick of the light.
Or perhaps the reaction of a spoiled child who isn’t used to hearing anything other than profuse praise.
“Could you do it?” he asks, genuine curiosity underlying his question. “Could you kill the male you love, simply because he asked it of you?”
I don’t hesitate when I say, “I’d do anything for him.”
Farin cocks his head to the side, and this version of him is so utterly different than the one I met the night of Gunter’s death, it’s difficult to breathe. Difficult to remind my poor, shredded heart that this is not Nox. Not Nox. Not Nox.
“And is that what love is? Losing your sense of self in that of another?”
I say nothing, though my breath grows ragged, the pounding of my heart echoing off the stone walls.
Farin traces the tip of his boot against divots in the stone floor. “That’s certainly what it feels like to me.”
My heart stops. “What do you mean?”
Farin begins to pace, and now we’re circling one another, two lions ready to spar.
“The bloodsharing ritual the parasite orchestrated was unnatural. It isn’t meant for a creature of the night to share with a creature of the day. The cravings Nox felt for you after it occurred… Well, I suppose you can guess at the intensity based off how I behaved when I was allowed a foothold into Nox’s mind. When the bloodlust turned the reins over to me. Never have I wanted anything as much as I wanted you.”
The hairs on my arms stand up, and I don’t know what to make of it, but I can’t help myself. I can’t help the way my weight shifts onto the balls of my feet, leaning ever so slightly toward him. Can’t help the way my ears twitch, hanging onto Farin’s every word.
Because Farin was a part of Nox, and with each bit of himself that he reveals, I learn a bit more about the male I love, and it’s like droplets of wine to a drunkard. Blood to a vampire.
So when Farin speaks, I listen.
“He was fond of you before, and I imagine he would have fallen in love with you anyway. Don’t allow what I’m about to say cause you to doubt the validity of his affections for you. But again, the bloodsharing ritual was never meant to be shared with a human. The desire for you was so overwhelming… Blaise, it was like a hunger that gnaws through one’s bones, and by the time I was released, it had to be satisfied.
“But then you changed. You died and were Turned, and the bloodsharing ritual set in as it was meant to. A bonding of chosen mates, one as binding as a fae bargain. From what I understand, it seems the bloodsharing ritual often proves stronger for the male. It’s a testament to our Nox’s character that he gave you the space he did once it set in.
“Nox was on fire for you. More intense than any bloodlust he’d ever experienced.”
Nox was on fire for you.
They’re the kind of words I could suffocate on.
“And then I left,” I whisper.
Farin frowns. “And then you left, and it was like being rent in two.”
I notice that he didn’t say “and it was like Nox was being rent in two.”
The unease in my belly begins to sour. “Why did you and Abra have a falling out?”
Farin’s eyes glisten. “Changing the subject, are we?”
“I don’t think I am.”
Farin stops pacing and traces a circle on the ground with his foot. “Ah.” There’s almost shame in his posture, in the way his shoulders slump with his hands tucked into his pockets, the way he refuses to look at me.
When he speaks, his voice wavers, so slightly I might not have noticed when I was human. “You must understand, I felt everything he felt.”
My heart stutters. “Everything?” I breathe.
