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The thought of his lips on my neck sends a wave of emotions through me, some more pleasant than they should be.
When I catch where his gaze has drifted, I know he’s thinking the same thing.
“You’re different, Blaise. You undo me.”
A wave of lightning strikes my spine, scatters through my veins, depositing in my twitching limbs.
“You knowingly put me in danger.”
The words ring hollow in my ears, knocking against my memories, except it’s Andy’s voice this time.You knowingly put Ellie in danger.
Maybe that’s why there’s no sharp, glinting edge to my accusation.
“I thought the way I feel about you would keep me from hurting you. I thought I could keep you from harm,” he says.
I swallow, my throat bobbing, and Nox’s predator’s eyes lock onto it.
“And how do you feel about me, Nox?”
“Like you’re the only glimmer of sunlight that’s marked my skin in years.”
A two-fold confession, and because I can’t bear to address the implications of what he’s saying, I follow the second half. “You can’t walk in the sun?”
Sadness brims his eyes, and I can’t help but wonder if it’s because I’ve chosen to ignore his admission. He shakes his head. “Not without burning. Gunter hung more tapestries throughout this wing of the castle. Before that, I couldn’t even leave my room during the day because of the windows in the staircase.”
I think of my panic attack on the roof, the way the air felt unbreathable after so long away from it.
I think of what it would be like to live in the shadows perpetually.
“When you drink blood, are you ever able to stop?”
Nox’s silence is answer enough.
It’s my turn to rub my temples. “How long?”
I don’t need to clarify.
“The last bit of animal blood I drank was after we hid behind the tapestry and then when we were on the roof,” he says, and I remember then, the way Nox tucked his face into the crook of my neck, the way he stopped breathing, like he was holding his breath. Swigging from his canister after he pushed me away from him. “I usually require it every five hours. But that’s…” He holds my stare, even as he chokes on the word. “That’s with most other humans. What I felt for you tonight when we kissed… It’s almost like my desire for you enhanced my bloodlust. I shouldn’t have gotten so close to losing control as I did.”
The sound that escapes my mouth straddles the line between a cough and the squeals of a strangled pig.
Nox’s eyes go wide as I press my palm against the cold stone wall to steady myself. The crevices in the stone provide the friction I need, the reminder of where exactly I am. My limbs are shaking, my gut writhing as I break into a fit of mingled sobs and laughs.
“Blaise?”
“It’s just…It’s just…” My other arm, the one not keeping me from collapsing, clutches my aching stomach. I force out as controlled of a breath as I can manage. “It’s just that I spent…years in love with a male who could never love me back. And now.” Fates, my stomach hurts. “Now that I’ve gone and fallen for someone who feels the same way…” My stomach spasms, and I let out a pitiful hiccup, the time you might hear from the maw of a newborn puppy. “It just seems fitting…that’s all…that…that your feelings would make you want to eat me.”
Nox’s breath fogs the cool chill of the dungeon as he stares at me. Just stares. His ears twitch in the lantern light.
“What?” I ask, finally catching some semblance of breath. “You fantasizing about sipping on my blood right now? Puncturing an artery? Painting the walls with my blood?”
Nox’s nose turns upward at my crude humor, and the first smile I’ve seen from him since Abra caught us brushes the corners of his mouth. “Only a little,” he says, his blue eyes glinting.
My laugh is more exasperated this time.
“I was just thinking about how beautiful you are when you laugh. And wondering how someone with a smile like that ever fell for me.” There’s sadness in his smile, a darkness that tints it, but I find I don’t mind.
He runs his fingers through his hair and slumps his head back against the stone wall.
