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When we arrived at the door to his room, he unlocked it, and we walked inside together. Just inside the door, I reached for his face, cupping it in both my hands, and pulled him toward me for a kiss, which he eagerly returned.
Our kisses grew more passionate as the chemistry between us ignited. I could feel Jeremy's arms wrap around me, drawing me closer to him. I smiled, not ever wanting him to let me go.
At that moment, it felt as though all the other hardships of the day had disappeared. All that existed in Boston was me and Jeremy in that room together.
Just as the heat intensified, though, Jeremy pulled away from the kiss. His breath was slightly ragged. It was apparent that he was turned on and ready to pull me back to bed, but something was stopping him from moving ahead with the desire. Something was still weighing on his mind.
"Jeremy," I whispered, pleading with him not to stop. "Is everything alright?"
He sighed, stepping back as he ran a hand through his hair, creating distance between us.
"Jill, it's not that I don't want this," he said cautiously. His words were measured carefully as he continued. "It's just that... there's something on my mind, something I need to figure out."
I nodded understandingly. I felt a tinge of disappointment but respected his honesty. Jeremy had a lot on his plate and was grappling with his own thoughts and emotions. This wasn’t the right time to push.
Instead, I offered him the option to talk to me if he wanted. "You can talk to me about anything. You know that.”
He looked up at me, and his eyes searched mine for understanding. "Jill, today has been challenging for both of us. I'm still trying to process everything that happened at the conference and last night, and I don't want our professional relationship to be overshadowed by any of that. Part of me wonders if today was related to what happened last night. Maybe we shouldn’t have."
He was wrong, of course. Nothing had happened at the conference because of the connection we’d allowed to grow between us, but I couldn’t convince him of that. I already knew it was pointless to try. This was something he’d have to work out on his own.
"I understand, Jeremy. Our connection is also important to me- both in and out of the office. Take all the time you need."
"Jill," he said apologetically. "I hate to do this, but I am incredibly exhausted tonight. Would you mind if I took some time alone to rest? I know we made plans for you to stay with me again tonight, but I think it might be better if you sleep in your room."
His words caught me off guard, leaving me slightly confused.
"Of course," I replied, trying my best to mask my disappointment.
"Thank you, Jill. I truly appreciate your understanding."
With that, he gently kissed my forehead and opened the hotel room door, gesturing for me to be on my way.
Feeling confused, I walked back to the hall and entered my room next to his. I walked inside and threw myself onto the bed.
As I lay in the tranquility of the room, my mind raced. I couldn't help but wonder if I had done something to bring about this change or if Jeremy was still grappling with the day's stress. Confusion gnawed at me all night, making it difficult for sleep to take hold.
Eventually, exhaustion overcame my racing thoughts as I cried myself to sleep.
Chapter Twelve
JEREMY
Themorningarrived,andafter a restless night of contemplation, I reached a decision about my future with Jill that I knew could only be handled by having a challenging conversation.
This would be difficult. I already knew that. It was no trouble for me to address a crowd of several hundred, but to look into her beautiful eyes and speak my truth felt like an impossible ask. Even the decision to request sleeping alone the previous evening had burdened me greatly. However, it led to a realization that I could not permit our intimate relationship to jeopardize our professional one.
Both of us had invested immense effort into building our respective careers. The possibility of a beautiful connection between us had blurred the boundaries less than constructively. I refused to let my feelings for Jill cloud my judgment or compromise the high standards I had always upheld professionally.
She knocked lightly as I was getting dressed. I took a deep breath and answered the door, letting her in. She looked at me with a mixture of curiosity and apprehension, possibly picking up on the fact that I was nervous to talk to her.
I decided to get it over with.
"Jill, when I requested some time alone last night, it was not because you did anything wrong. I want you to know that. It is about me and that I’ve been rethinking things and seeing that there’s been some struggle to maintain clear boundaries between our personal lives and professional responsibilities."
She looked at me, even more confused. "What do you mean, Jeremy?"
I drew a deep breath, searching for the right words to articulate my thoughts. "Our working relationship is really important to me," I explained. "I have always believed that separating personal and professional whims is crucial to avoid conflicts of interest or any hindrance in advancing my career. I also have always been firm in the belief that workplace romances are a bad idea."
