Page 107 of Heresy


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We still have responsibilities. Bills to pay, houses to clean, kids to raise, problems to solve regardless of whatever lifestyle you live, medical problems that keep us in pain. Day in and day out.

There’s always something.

And after a few years of the daily grind, we fall into routines and habits, our energy being bled dry until we lie on our deathbeds wondering why the hell we wasted our life and refused to see how we were prisoners to it.

That’s not freedom, and I don’t mean in a political sense either. Fucking chill on that. I don’t want to hear it.

What I mean by freedom is the ability to live in a moment where there is no worry, no pain, no concerns or responsibilities, no negativity or restraint. It’s just you and the wind, or the rain, in a violent fucking storm or flying through the air. Whatever gets you high or gets you off, that’s the freedom I’m discussing.

It’s a moment where even life and death are of no concern because life itself can’t contain you.

It simply doesn’t matter.

Only the feeling you’re chasing.

Moments like the one I’m living right now. Behind the wheel of a car I love. My foot smashed down on a gas pedal until it almost touches the floor. The roar of an engine that is so fucking loud, I can barely hear Brinley screaming.

This moment.

This release.

This feeling of climbing out of my skin and becoming part of everything that surrounds me.

A lot of people want to claim they’ve experienced this, that they’ve broken free, but the sad truth is they haven’t. There’s always some worry clinging on, some caution. Some fear that the slightest loss of control will cost you a debt you’re not willing to pay.

I mean, be real with yourself.

Has there ever been a moment where some concern about one small thing or another hasn’t been pounding away at the inside of your cranium?

Bet there hasn’t.

Not like this anyway.

Not on a road that stretches like a lazy snake across the expanse, the concrete a low hum beneath your tires and a smile plastered on your face from ear to ear that is almost too painful for how bright it is.

You don’t know freedom until you’re so in love with a moment and a feeling that everything that came before it, and whatever could possibly happen after it, are meaningless.

This is my drug of choice.

It’s better than alcohol.

Than fighting.

Hell, better than sex.

It’s this, only this.

And it’s too bad that this is exactly the thing that terrifies and cripples with fear people who live like Brinley.

This is what I wanted to show her. To let her experience. To give to her like a present wrapped in a big red bow if she would just stop screaming long enough to enjoy it.

Without taking my eyes off the road, I raise my voice loud enough to be heard over the engine.

“Having fun yet?”

“Nooooooooo!” she screams.

The sound of that simple no carries on for what feels like forever, the O’s left in a path behind us, running along the road.

Source: www.allfreenovel.com
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