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A particularly difficult memory assaults me, a vision of Ezra on his knees, two men holding him back while he was screaming.
“Ezra didn’t want to play along. It’s not that he had an issue with fighting, he just didn’t want to make our dad money with our blood, you know?”
Blue’s hand inches across the mattress to hold mine when I hesitate to keep going.
Gripping her fingers with mine, she helps me fight against the urge to chase the memories away like the events never happened. To shut up and keep it all bottled inside.
“There was an old office leading off from the warehouse where the fights took place.” My words stutter to a stop in my head, but I force them out anyway. “One night when Ezra wouldn’t fight, they dragged me into the office and bent me over a desk…“
It got your brother to fight…
Stop crying!
Blue gasps and rolls over to face me. Anger swirls behind her eyes. “Tell me those bastards didn’t—“
“Not that night. Not this scar. The threat alone was enough for Ezra to fight. The edge of the old desk was sharp and cut me. That’s where this one is from.”
Scooting closer, Blue lays her head on my chest. I wrap my fingers into her hair, slowly brushing down the length of it. I breathe in the scent of her.
It calms me.
A few minutes pass with us sitting in silence. I think she’s not going to respond when she finally talks.
“I haven’t spoken to my mother in over a year.”
My hands stop moving for a bare second.
Surprised at her words, I continue stroking her hair, even when I can’t make sense of them.
“You love your mom.”
“I do. And I would do anything for her. But I can’t help thinking that her insanity is because of me. Kind of like how Ezra fought to protect you, I think she kept running because of me.”
Interest piqued, I carefully choose a response and fight not to demand more information. It rubs me the wrong way to be careful, but Blue needs to trust me. That won’t happen if I lose my shit every time she opens up.
“Why do you think that?”
She traces a fingertip along the curve of my bicep.
“Kane told me Mom wasn’t as crazy when he was little. They stayed in one place as far as he can remember. It wasn’t until I was born that she quit her job and moved us. I don’t remember anything because I was just a baby, but it kept getting worse as I grew up.” Blue blows out a steadying breath. “Maybe that’s how mental illness works. I don’t know.”
That’s still not enough information. “So why do you think it’s about you if it’s just her mental illness?”
Blue’s quiet for too long, her voice pained when she admits, “Because when Kane sent me away to college, Mom stopped running. They’ve lived in the same place for two years.”
I need to meet Kane.
Fuck if it’s intrusive in Blue’s life.
If there’s danger circling Blue, I need to know about it.
Her body shakes with quiet sobs, and my shirt feels wet beneath where she’s laying her head.
“I fucked Mom’s life up, and now I’ve probably gotten Brinley killed.
My teeth clench and my jaw tics from the effort. “It’s not your fault. And Brinley’s not dead.”
“You don’t know that,” she argues.
