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Every time I’ve seen him, I’ve wanted to dig into that head of his and extract everything he knows. I want to see what he’s been through and what’s he going through now.
I want the truth of him.
Just so I can know.
But I know better than to ask because once certain memories are inspected too closely, they become a nightmare of your own.
The last thing I need is more nightmares.
Still, I can’t stop wondering.
It’s too bad he hasn’t returned since I last told him to leave. And while I’m glad that means less trouble for me, I still can’t stop hoping that each night I’ll feel that strange tug again.
That my eyes will open.
And that I’ll turn to see him staring at me with those fierce and dangerous gaze.
How stupid does that make me?
Very.
I’m smart enough to know that much.
Shaking off the fascination, I let go of the questions swirling in my mind and become the music once again.
Damon
I’ve been thinking a lot. It’s a little dangerous for me to do so, especially with the way the thoughts get jumbled. My emotions are out of control, and I can’t stop the incessant whispers that drag me to a past I’m still unable to outrun.
But I’ve been trying, and I think that’s progress.
First, self-control.
The last time I was at Myth, I realized something was breaking apart in me. I’m not a bad guy. I don’t hurt women for the fun of it. I’m not cold like Ezra or Tanner. I try not to lie like Gabe. I’m not afraid of losing my heart to a woman like Shane.
I’ve already lost my heart once … to Red. Back in high school when she would stand waiting for us on the Mondays following those weekends. There was always something in her eyes that could chase away the pain, the degradation, the shame and betrayal.
Maybe to sayI lost my heartis the wrong phrase.
I happily gave it away.
Just tossed it out there because I thought it was safe.
And maybe it’s fear now that makes me think I need to protect it.
But then maybe, just fucking maybe, I’m wrong.
Ezra, Red, and I have had four ‘dates’ since the first. All three of us, which makes it awkward.
Ezra is always a complete ass to Emily, but I’m not. It doesn’t matter what I feel before seeing her or even after she leaves, but while I’m near her, I’m calm. We joke around and laugh. We keep things lighthearted, and I think, for once, that she’s not the problem in all this.
It’s Ezra.
Or me.
Tonight is another date, and the timing couldn’t be more perfect. I have all these questions, but they’re impossible to ask with Ezra around. Emily can’t relax, and we can never talk alone.
Not tonight.
