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“What is it?”
“The dog food!” she exclaimed, jogging away from the limo. “I went to feed the dogs, but they got into the food closet. They tore open the bags and dragged them all over the field, and now I can’t get them back in…”
I rounded the limo and saw the chaos in the field. Bright yellow bags of dog food were scattered everywhere, and torn pieces of paper were drifting across the ground in the wind. Some dogs were chowing down on piles of food, while others played tug-of-war with the remnants of the bags. I ran over to the gate and let myself into the field. Hank, my good boy, was not participating in the food frenzy—his ears were flat on his head and he gave me the most pathetic “I didn’t do it!” face. A few feet next to him, Christian’s dog Heidi was sitting on her haunches and watching the chaos.
I picked up a nearby bottle that was chewed up. “They got into the shampoo, too?”
Suzie let out a distressed groan. “Oh no! I didn’t even see that!”
“Holy shit,” Christian said as he joined us. The bulge in his pants seemed obvious to me, but Suzie didn’t notice. “That’s a good girl, Heidi. Good girl.”
“Pickles!” Braden shouted. “PICKLES! Come!”
The Golden Retriever jogged toward us, a thick elk bone between his jaws. He wagged his tail when he reached the fence and greeted us.
“Pickles is innocent,” Suzie explained. “It was that little Chihuahua mix that started it.”
“Loki?” Christian asked.
Suzie nodded. “He slipped into the storage room when I wasn’t looking and tore holes in most of the food and treat bags. Then he grabbed my cell phone! When I chased him to get it back, all the other dogs went into the closet, and…” Exasperated, she gestured at the field.
“Why didn’t you call me!”
“I did!” she replied, holding up her phone. The screen was smeared with mud. “I started half an hour ago and haven’t stopped!”
“Clearly you dialed the wrong number.” I sighed and turned back to the two men. “I need to change into better clothes to fix this. You two can take your dogs home. Thank you both for a wonderful night.”
I hurried inside and changed into clothes that I didn’t mind getting dirty. I was frustrated with Suzie for not being able to handle things while I was gone, and annoyed that I didn’t get to finish my evening with Christian and Braden. Just when things finally seemed like they were going my way, I suffered a huge setback like this. God only knew how much damage the dogs had caused in the storage room.
When I went back outside a few minutes later, the limo was still there. It was dark, but I could see the white dress shirts of Christian and Braden walking around in the field, picking up pieces of dog food bags and toys. The only dogs still in the field with them were Pickles, Heidi, and Hank.
“They helped corral the dogs inside,” Suzie said. She was holding an armful of toys and bones. “Heidi helped shepherd them into the kennels.”
“She’s a good girl,” Christian said while bringing a handful of trash over to the gate. “Once she realized what we were doing, she went into shepherd mode.”
“Pickles helped!” Braden added. “Or, at least, he didn’t hurt anything. Which is a win all on its own.”
Pickles barked twice in agreement.
“Your tuxedos are filthy,” I moaned. “You didn’t have to stay and help. I could have cleaned up my own mess.”
“Who cares?” Braden said with a smile. “Chrissy can buy us new tuxes. He’s making twenty-four million this year.”
“Holy shit,” Suzie whispered.
“You’re making eight million!” Christian replied.
Braden nodded emphatically. “Exactly! I’m practically in the poor house compared to you.” He dropped off a bag of trash and grabbed another empty trash bag from a roll by the gate. “I saw some pieces of a shampoo bottle over in the corner. We’ll get out of your hair after that.”
He winked at me and hurried off. Christian followed him, with Heidi and Pickles right on their heels.
14
Braden
Holy fuckingblue balls, Batman.
I’d been interrupted while getting my groove on before. The first was in the back seat of my Ford Taurus, parked at the end of the high school parking lot after prom. Then there was the summer I was visiting my college girlfriend and had to climb out the window when her dad came home from work early. The following semester, someone started a fire by burning popcorn in the dorm microwave while I was in the middle of round three with my girlfriend and another couple. Having a foursome interrupted by a fireman knocking the door down was not what I would call afun bedroom surprise.
