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I nod and take a deep breath.Can I really admit this to him?Evie is the only person I've told about my predicament, and Darius is more or less a stranger still.
But I can't carry on living like this.
"So, in general succubi mature between sixteen and nineteen, and once they are they have to have regular sex to keep functioning.I guess it's a bit like vampires and blood, except that we're lucky enough to be able to go out during the day."Though right now, I don't feel hugely lucky, but that's a whole other thing.
"Are you just starting to go through maturity then?"he asks.
"No, that happened about a year ago.But I am at the point where I need a...top up, I guess?"
"Is that what brought you to the cupids?"
"Kind of.My best friend actually suggested that I sought you out to ask about the magic.I need to do something about mine, but erm, I don't really know how to put this."I take a deep breath, knowing it is truly now or never."I don't want to have sex."
For a moment, I don't think Darius is going to respond.He takes a sip of his mocha and then just nods."I can see how that would be a problem.Can I ask why you don't want to?"
"I guess it's more that I'm not interested in sex.I can sense when people are attracted to each other like that, and it just doesn't work like that for me.I don'tfeellike that towards anyone."I let out a shaky breath."Okay, that felt good to say out loud.Scary, but good."
He chuckles."I can relate.How long have you felt like that?"He gestures to an empty bench, which I assume is an invitation to sit.
I put my bag down and lean back against the bench, cupping my hands around the warm tea."For as long as everyone else has been talking about dating, relationships, and sex," I say once he's sat down next to me."So I guess, always?"
"Is there a chance you could be asexual?"he asks.
I frown."What?"
"As in you don't have an interest in sex."
"I know what asexual is," I respond."I just...I'm a succubus."
"So?"
"How can I not be interested in sex?"
He shrugs."Succubi can be any sexuality, right?"
"As far as I know.It doesn't seem to matter who they're having sex with, just that they have it.No, not they.We.It's bad that I didn't say we, isn't it?"
"Hey, I can't comment, I'm not a licensed therapist."
"Yet."
He chuckles."Sure, yet.But even if I was, I'd still be here in my capacity as a friend."
I frown, not liking the way the wordfriendmakes me feel.
"I think it makes sense that you're not usingweif you aren't fully accepting of that part of yourself," he says when I don't respond.
"I guess.I mean, I don't think sex is icky or anything like that."
"Icky?"
My cheeks heat up, that's probably not the way I should have described it at all."You know what I mean.This isn't the easiest subject to talk about."
"You don't have to be sex repulsed to be ace, Mandy," he says kindly."You can be sex positive."
"You're just saying things I don't understand now."But there's a part of me that's intrigued by his suggestion.I've just never considered the fact that I'm not broken or weird.If he's right, then it's just that this is the way I am.It doesn't solve the problem of me needing to top-up my magic, but it does help with an explanation.
"Sorry, let me rephrase, I forget this is all new to some people."
