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The view of my mother’s tentative steps walking down the aisle, clutched to my brother, is heartbreaking. She weeps into one of my father’s favorite handkerchiefs. The blood she has washed from the worn cloth over the years is plenty. My heart feels such pain for her. I now understand her devotion. Although hers was years of building while mine is so new, I get it. But now she is alone. One half of the life she knew is gone. While mine is just beginning. I can’t help but silently thank my brother for the shift in events that led me to Demetri.
It doesn’t matter how Demetri and I came together. On our own, we found each other through the thick of a life most don’t understand. Our marriage may have been arranged and bumpy at best, but we built us to where we are now.
With his devoted,I will bleed for youstatement, I know our life together will be one of fiery commitment.
At our backs are Luca and Joseph, standing at attention. There is a group of men on the opposite side of the vestibule participating in a conversation that grew quiet when Demetri and I entered the church.
Their attention comes to us as we turn away from the lighting. One of the men addresses Demetri. They partake in small talk before the man’s attention moves to me. With a nod, his condolences follow. Behind him is a man sitting in a chair. His interest goes directly to me, ignoring Demetri. He calls me by my first name and lifts his hand in greeting. When I go to return his gesture, Demetri quickly shifts his weight and lowers my hand. The man observes him with a smile that is contrived to be easygoing, but it is anything but. Luca takes a step closer to my exposed side and out of the corner of my eye, I notice Joseph turning his back to us to watch the crowd entering the church.
The tension becomes thick. I feel myself tense next to Demetri’s relaxed one.
“You will address her by her married name.”
“Ah, the new bride.” The man looks at me and then at my finger. “I trust your brother has made the right decision for you. Please”—he brushes nonexistent lint from his slacks—“excuse my ignorance. I didn’t realize you had already committed to the ceremony.”
I don’t respond. Something tells me to stay quiet.
Demetri excuses us and turns towards the inside of the church. Once we pass over the threshold and start walking past the pews with Luca and Joseph at our backs, Demetri wraps his arm around my waist and leans in. “A man sitting down while offering his hand should never be trusted, Haven.”
I take in his words as he continues to walk me to the front of the church. “Do you know him?”
“He is an associate of your fathers.”
“Demetri… I…” I stumble over my words feeling out of my element. I may be the daughter of a Don, but I was never allowed to be involved or participate in any events my parents may have held.
“I’ve got you.” He lifts his hand in a gesture for me to enter the pew directly behind my mother and brother.
I sit, falling back into the seat, noticing that Luca and Joseph are not sitting with us. I have yet to glance at my father’s coffin. Just as I’m raising my sight I realize that this will be the last day I will see my father in a physical form.
Paisley slips in beside me with Ciarán at her side. “Cuz,” he greets with a somber tone as he leans over Paisley to give me a kiss. “You doing okay?”
“I’m doing okay,” I say, simultaneously squeezing Demetri’s hand. Ciarán notices our joined hands and the gesture and gives me a soft smile.
“Cool. I’m here for you, cuz.”
“If she needs anyone, it will be me she turns to.”
Demetri’s harsh tone shocks me. I quickly look his way. “Demetri,” I whisper. “That’s my cousin.”
“That cousin put you in danger when he took you to a rave without protection.”
My lips part to argue, but the words are cut short when my brother turns around and says, “Your husband is correct. Ciarán put you in danger.”
With a quick look of disapproval at Ciarán, I watch Cillian’s eyes pass over Paisley. She quickly turns away and pretends to be admiring the stained-glass window, ignoring my brother. Once he turns back around Paisley laces her hand through mine.
The service begins with a clearing of the priest’s throat and the static from the microphone being adjusted.
The sounds trigger my emotions and the first tear of many fall over my waterline.
Family and friendsin attendance make their way out of the church after the priest’s final words. As the pews empty, and Demetri goes to stand, I gently tug on his arm, stopping him. I don’t want to move just yet. I have my husband and my best friend sitting next to me. A small reprieve before facing everyone outside. The heaviness inside our family church is suffocating. It isn’t just filled with sorrow for the loss of a man, but also his extended life as well. Some may be here to mourn my father’s death, but others are here because they are next in line to wear the crown, only here to witness the finality of his coffin being set in the ground.
The pew in front of us with my mother and brother rise. My brother holds my mother’s trembling body with a firm arm. With a quick glance over his shoulder, he gives Demetri a quick jerk of his chin then glares at Paisley. Ciarán stands and offers his hand to Paisley. She shakes her head no, dismissing him. I can tell she just wants some time alone with me. After cutting her short the night before, I asked Demetri to wait for me outside. He refused to leave me alone inside the church. His only compromise is to wait at the back of the church where I will still be within his sight.
“I’m sorry about your father.” She stares straight ahead at the front of the church.
“Me too.” My blank gaze drifts off to his black coffin. There’s a heaviness hanging between us, and I know it’s me who is causing the weight. “Patches, you’re sleeping with my brother.”
“Was.”
