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I shake my head and smile. “I’m good. Swearing off dating for the foreseeable future,” I say with a shrug. “I can’t wait for you to see the bookstore finally open.”
“Did you read your letter yet, honey?” Harry asks, his eyes now taking on a hint of sadness.
“Not yet. I will tonight at sunset,” I say with a smile. He knows that I try to catch as many as I can because I feel like that’s my time to catch up with my mom and feel her near me. Tonight is a special one. I’m going to read my letter while the sun goes down. I cling to every little piece of her, and I feel like she’ll be with me.
“I’ll bring it tomorrow,” I promise.
“Paige, will you put on a record for us?” Harry motions to his record player in the corner with his beloved stack of Fleetwood Mac albums next to it on a shelf.
“Of course,” I say as I put theRumorsrecord on and push the button to start. It crackles as the needle hits the vinyl.
Harry and Evelyn talk about Fleetwood Mac. Harry knows more random facts about the band than anyone. Evelyn is clearly a Stevie Nicks fan and has a lot of her own opinions on things. I almost hate to leave in the middle of the discussion.
“I love you, Harry. I’ll be back tomorrow.” I scoop up Pancake and tuck him inside his soft carrier, then slide it onto my back.
“Love you, Bug.” He waves and smiles, then goes back to his heated debate with Evelyn about whether Stevie should have left the band.
As I leave, I hear Harry say, “When I listen to Fleetwood, I feel like a piece of my daughter is still with me...”
I choke up hearing this, and I think of the giant hole that my mom left in my heart when she died. It’s been years, but what no one tells you about grief is that sometimes it doesn’t to get easier. The pain gets smaller, but it’s always there.
* * *
Just before sunset, I find a place to park and grab the blanket I keep in the back of the van. I spread it out near the lavender field on the back property of the inn. I open the zipper pouch in the binder and slide out this year’s letter. My hands shake with anticipation.
I spread out on the blanket and look up. I wonder if she’s watching me. I open it and smile as I read.
Hey, Bug!
Today is twenty-eight! Happy birthday, sweet girl! I can’t believe it. It went by fast, didn’t it? It’s crazy to think you’re almost the age I am as I write this. I hope you’re healthy and taking care of yourself.
It’s hard to imagine you at twenty-eight. Right now, you’re thirteen and you’re off roller skating with your friends. You have the most beautiful curly red hair, and your green eyes sparkle and make anyone who looks at you smile. What a beauty you are, my sweet girl.
If you haven’t already met the man you’re going to marry, I want you to look for the one who sees the sorrow behind your smile and takes care of you without even being asked. Someone who really knows you and loves you deeply like you deserve. Find someone who lights a fire in you and makes you just a little crazy for him in every possible way. Look for love in unexpected places, Paige. And if you’ve already found him, cherish every moment and love him with all your heart. Trust in love. Don’t be afraid of it like I was.
I love you with all my heart. Are you watching the sunset? It’s beautiful, isn’t it?
Love,
Mom
Tears of happiness coat my cheeks as I wipe them with my hand. I remember my thirteenth birthday vividly. I was in a very awkward phase of life. I had braces and got picked on a lot by the other kids. I was new to Freedom Valley, and I had invited my whole class to my party, but only a handful of kids showed up. I certainly didn’t feel beautiful back then. But reading my mom’s thoughts about me during such a vulnerable time makes me feel so loved.
I think about what she said about finding someone who loves me deeply like I deserve.Look for love in unexpected places.I wonder what she meant by that.
My mind wanders to Preston. He’s definitely unexpected. But could I love him? Could he love me? Because if I’m being honest, I already have big feelings for him. They’re coming at me like a freight train at full speed, and I feel like I can’t stop them.
19. preston
I Know I’m Not Wrong
I unlock the door,and Theo bounds in, looking for Paige and Pancake. “She’ll be here soon, bud,” I say when he sulks.
I open my office door and flip on the lights. I groan. My workspace is filled with balloons from Theo’s party. I can barely see my desk. “Why?” I head to the coffee bar to start a pot and wait while it brews.
The door opens, and Paige breezes in with her purse over her shoulder and Pancake in his carrier on her back. I can tell by the look she gives me that she’s waiting for me to acknowledge what she’s done. I scowl at her.
“Well, good morning, DW. You look cheerful as ever today. What put you in such a good mood?” She gives me a smug grin.
