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“Whatever it takes. I want us to work.” He continues. “If that’s what you can do, I’ll take it,” he says, looking relieved.
“For now, let’s just dance,” I say as I lay my head on his shoulder, and we dance to the song, Allie’s velvet strong voice belting out with Sam’s.
“I love you, Callie. Never stopped.”
My heart clenches hearing this. I want to believe him. But I thought he fell out of love with me and that I wasn’t enough for him, and that’s why he left.
I close my eyes. I don’t say anything back because I still have doubts.
* * *
After our dance the night before, SJ escorted me back to our table, kissing the pulse points of my wrist softly and leaving me a stupefied mess without saying another word. Thanks to that encounter, I spent the night tossing and turning, barely getting any sleep. And now here I am, finishing up my shift at the hospital and then headed to my dreaded dinner.
I agreed to meet my parents for dinner at their country club, and Thad is unfortunately going as well. Tonight is the last time I’ll be interacting with him outside of work. I’m setting him straight. We are never going to be a couple. The sooner he knows this, the better. And no, I tell myself, it has nothing to do with SJ being back. I’m taking back my life and no longer coasting while going through the motions and doing what other people expect of me.
My parents have taken me to dinner at their country club a few times since I’ve been back. All painful interactions where my mother spends the evening berating me on my clothing choices and telling me that my hair needs a treatment, and I could stand to “trim up a little.” I put up with these dinners because they’re my parents and I’m trying and hoping they’ll somehow become normal. I feel obligated to go to them, but I dread them and from here on out, I’ll be attending less of these, too. I just don’t have the time and energy for this anymore.
Tonight’s the night. I’m going to let Thad know that we are done at the end of the dinner. I’ll be speaking to my parents too about this, probably later. If they continue to socialize with him, they can do so without me.
I get to the parking lot and am opening my car to get in when he strolls out from the hospital door and says, “Let’s ride together.”
I stare at him and sigh. “Hi, Thad.” I can think of a million things I’d rather be doing tonight. And being with him in a car or at a dinner is not one of them.
“What are you wearing?” His eyes scan down my pants and the nicest shirt I own. Nice enough for the country club, but I honestly didn’t put effort into it.
“Are you trying to embarrass everyone?” he huffs and then laughs like he’s trying to make a joke and not an insult.
That stings me because that’s something my parents say to me. I’m always embarrassing them with my clothes, hair, whatever they can pick at, and I see Thad has picked this up now, too. He didn’t start this way. He initially paid me compliments, but over time, it’s like I’m his Play-Doh, and he’s trying to mold me into whatever version he’d like to see instead of who I really am. Another reason we’d never work out.
I roll my eyes and glare at him. “I thought we could drive separately, and I’d meet you there.”
“I need you to drive. I need to do a few things on the way.”
This is going to be inconvenient when I let him know we’re not a couple at the end of the night. “Okay, I have to stop for gas.” I slide into the driver’s seat.
“Why don’t you already have gas?” he chides as he pulls his phone out and focuses on it, ignoring me.
We pull in to get gas. I’m numb, and I want to be done with Thad. I probably won’t get hired at the hospital, considering Thad’s on the board and decides whether I get hired or not.Not a conflict of interest at all, I think to myself. Hopefully, my reputation so far will hold up, but I can’t count on that. I have a feeling Thad won’t take the rejection well. I’ve seen him flip out on people at the hospital for dumb little things. I imagine this won’t go over well.
I’m distracted as I get out to pump the gas. I’m startled when a warm hand covers mine on the nozzle. “I got this,” a deep, familiar voice says softly.
I look up, and it’s SJ, and he smells familiar and good. Like motor oil, spicy soap, and clean. I breathe him in for a quick second and say, “What are you doing?”
“Pumping your gas, what does it look like?” He shrugs his wide shoulders and puts a hand on my lower back. He’s wearing a red and black flannel, with a black leather jacket. Even back in high school he was always looking out for me, taking care of me. And I miss it. I miss it to my core. I felt good and safe with him. This familiar feeling feels…comforting. I haven’t had this in so long.
“I’ve got it,” I say, too full of defeat.
“And what’s he doing?” He nods to Thad, who has his head down in the front seat.
Thad leans out the window. “Hurry up, we have a reservation,” he clips.
I close my eyes, dying of embarrassment, when I notice SJ’s jaw stiffens, and he looks like he wants to kill Thad.
His eyes are on me, and they don’t move. This is what we used to do. We’d have full-on conversations with our eyes, and we’re doing it now. I want to look away, but I can’t. Neither of us moves. Over a decade of emotions washes through us like a tidal wave. We both feel it. The current has changed between us.
The gas pump pops, startling me, and I nervously reach over, and SJ already has it and is screwing on the cap. He turns and leans in to me. “You deserve more than that. That’s not even the bare minimum. I’ll be waiting.” He turns and saunters back over to his bike in the next stall and swings his leg over it. He slides on a helmet and looks over at me pointedly. He’s saying, “Your move, Callie.” He does it with just a look. And it makes my breath hitch.
I take a deep breath. My move. I know what I want.
