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“So, that thing about you not having any experience?”
“True.” My cheeks flamed, and I started to turn away from him, but he caught my hand. I looked up at him, feeling like the world’s lamest person. I mean, who stays a virgin until they’re almost twenty? Many of my friends pretty much threw theirs away as soon as they hit sixteen, and several of them did so even sooner. That just wasn’t me. I actually believed in being with someone I, at the very least,likedbut aimed for more. Those who said things like, “It’s just sex,” confused me. How can sex ever bejustanything? You can’t get closer to another person than that.
Jason pulled me toward him, parting his knees so I could slip between his legs. He rested his hands on my back. “Let’s just figure out what to do about what’s happening right now. We can talk about the other stuff later.”
I shook my head. “It’s all important, Jason. If the fact that I’m… that I’ve never…”
“Lucy, don’t make that into a bigger deal than it is. Everyone has a first time. The only thing about that that worries me is whether you really want me to be the one.”
Jason was the only man who’d ever made my body react so strongly. Or at all. I’d kissed other people before him, and while the sensation was nice, none of them had started a fire inside me. I thought that was just, I don’t know, a myth written about in romance novels. Or that there was something wrong with me, and I’d die a virgin because I’d never been aroused by anyone before.
“I want you to be the one. And that is the only thing I’m sure about.”
Jason raised his hand and softly stroked my cheek. “I need you to be really sure about that. I don’t mean this as any chivalrous, cheesy bullshit. You know who I am, Lucy. I’ve got ten years on you. I’m about as far from innocent as it’s possible to be.”
While the idea of him being with other women made me tingle with jealousy, hearing him describe himself that way made me want him more. It made my body shiver with the idea of how good he could make me feel. That shiver was entirely at odds with how I felt about casual sex. After all, casual sex was pretty much the only kind of sex Jason had ever had. However, he’d also made it clear he didn’t hook up with every woman who looked in his direction, and I knew that to be true. He wasn’tthatbad. In the category of sleeping around, Joey was a lot worse. I didn’t expect everyone to have the same views as me, and I wasn’t about to judge him for doing what many men would have done in his position.
“I’m sure. Absolutely, completely sure.”
“Okay, but we’re not going to rush this.”
“That won’t change public perception, though, will it? People will think we are, and they’re still going to be saying things about you that aren’t true.”
He nodded. “I know. And as much as I want to see where things go with you, the one thing I can’t handle is people accusing me of being a pervert just for being with you.”
“I understand. I don’t want that either. As much as I want this, I won’t be the reason your life falls apart.”
Jason closed his eyes and rested his forehead against mine. “How did you get to be so sensible?”
“Well, for one thing, I’m Ellie’s sister.”
Jason laughed. “That would do it. You two aren’t alike in most ways, but you’re both pretty smart when it comes to making the right decisions.”
“Doesn’t mean we like those decisions, Jase.”
“I know. And it’s often me who ends up being the cause of those tough decisions. I’d like to step up and make this decision to save you from doing it, but this isn’t only about me. Mostly, I want to do what’s best for you.”
“Well, that’s interesting because I want to do what’s best for you.”
He brushed his lips against mine, his fingers tracing small circles on my lower back. “I don’t want you to go, Luce. I don’t. But I can’t see how we’re going to get any real time to work out where we are while we’re on the road.”
I nodded. He’d reached the same conclusion as me, and it sucked. I loved that we thought the same way, but the reality of what it meant made my heart break a little.
“I don’t want to go. I don’t want to go home and have to deal with Ellie and Mum and Dad trying to talk me out of being with you. But I know if I stay, it could kill us and everything you’ve worked for.”
I also knew that my going home wouldn’t be the end of the drama. Not forever. It would calm things down while the tour continued, but once Jason and I were seen together again, the stories would flare up again too. And it could still spell disaster for Jason and the band. But maybe that was something to worry about when we got there. Maybe what mattered was cooling the situation down now and hoping the world found something else to freak out about in the meantime.
“What are you thinking, Luce?” he asked.
I sighed, my eyes meeting his. “I’m scared the problems will never go away. Or at least not long enough for us to prove that there’s nothing wrong with us. We’ve known each other forever. We have a solid foundation that most couples never have. I feel like we have a really good friendship that turned into something else, but if people keep putting pressure on us, maybe they’ll break it and… then we might not even be friends anymore.”
“That’s not going to happen. I know I’m not well known for being sensible, but we’ll take this so slowly that if either of us feels like it won’t work, we can step away from it without ruining everything.” Jason stroked my cheek. “You said you weren’t asking for forever, and you know I can’t promise that. But I can promise that for as long as this makes sense, I’ll do everything I can to make sure you don’t get hurt.”
Why couldn’t Ellie see this Jason? I knew she used to. She used to think he was the best person in the whole world. And despite what she’d said about him hurting me and his selfishness, she had to know she wasn’t being fair. He’d messed up more times than I knew about. I was sure of that. But he had always done everything he could to fix the things he’d broken. Why couldn’t anyone accept that he’d grown up or acknowledge the hard work he’d done to get his life back on track?
“I don’t need as much protecting as you think,” I whispered. “But thank you.”
“I know that. You’re tougher than people are giving you credit for. I’m just saying, I’m going to work damn hard so you don’t have to be tough.”
