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“Thanks.” I watch the puppy pounce at an old shoe. “I can’t believe you got me a puppy.”
“Isn’t he cute? He’s nine weeks old. I’ve got everything you need in my truck. Food, a crate, toys, dishes, his papers. And you wanna know the coolest thing? He’s related to Cherry. Like a distant cousin.”
I turn to look at him, convinced he must be joking. “No way. Are you shitting me?”
“I’m serious.”
“How do you even know that?”
“Lily and Penny found Cherry’s original papers in your kitchen drawer, and I got in touch with the woman you got her from. She was amazed Cherry lived so long. I showed her photos when I picked the puppy up. You should get in touch with her, she’d love to hear from you.”
“I’ll do that. That makes him even more special to me.” I give Kelley a quick hug. “I don’t know how to thank you.”
“I just don’t want you to miss me too much,” he jokes. “But don’t worry, I’ll be at your art show next year, no matter what.”
We take the puppy outside to let him run around in the grass. He’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. Penny and Lily are going to love him.
“It’ll be cool to have a dog in the house again,” I tell Kelley. “The house feels so quiet. Maybe he’ll get Lily to come out of her damn room.”
“Everything okay with her? I was surprised she wasn’t at the concert.”
I sit on the ground to play with the puppy and give Kelley a quick rundown about Lily and the limo driver.
“You’re not gonna like what I have to say,” he says after a few moments of deep thought.
“Lemme guess, Dr. Kelley has entered the chat.”
He laughs. “Damn right. Here’s what I think. She’s got daddy issues. Among other things.”
I blow out a sigh of extreme denial. “Dude, come on.”
“I’m serious. She has a fear of abandonment. She’s insecure. Now she’s getting involved with toxic, older, avoidant guys. Showing destructive behavior. I think all she really wants is to be loved, but she’s afraid of getting attached.”
Every word pummels my chest like a bullet. This is my little girl. The little bean me and Brianna stayed awake late into the night talking about and planning for. The daughter I vowed to cherish, protect, and give the world to. I wanted her to grow up surrounded with love and happiness. I wanted to be her best friend and her hero.
But what was I? The guy who spiraled into an alcohol-fueled depression, too weak and lost in grief to fight for her. I let her down. I set her on this path.
“I want to tell you to go fuck yourself, but I think you might be right.”
The puppy stretches out next to me. Stroking his cottony fur is calming. He feels so soft, clean, and innocent. So easy to love. My throat tightens, knowing I’ll spend years loving this dog with every molecule of my being, and someday, he’ll become old and fragile. His onyx eyes will become cloudy. He’ll stare at walls and walk in circles. He’ll take a huge part of my heart to his grave, just like Cherry did.
But as much as that’ll hurt, I’m willingly signing up for all of it again. Because I already know the moments of love are gonna be worth it.
“I don’t know how to fix this,” I finally admit. “It’s like we’re stuck in a vicious circle. Lily will end up being just as messed up as me.”
“That doesn’t have to be true. Things get better. Look how good you’re doing now. Your career is going great. I think you’re happier than I’ve ever seen you.”
I wish I could tell him I took his advice and let myself love again. But then I’d also have to tell him I’m a hypocritical asshole. Although he probably wouldn’t even be surprised. He called this thing between me and Penny years ago.
“Things would be great if I wasn’t so worried about Lily.”
“I’m sure she’ll be fine, man. She’s just figuring shit out.”
“I hope so. I just want her to be safe and happy. And I want her to like me.”
“C’mon, Fox. Nobody likes their parents at her age. Don’t take it personally.”
I wish I’d had parents to like at her age.
Kelley kneels down in front of me to play with the puppy. The necklace he’s wearing swings across the front of his shirt—a silver star with a blue stone in the center. Even though he’s had it on every day since I’ve known him, something about the way the sun glints off it today snags my attention.
Riveted, I stare at it, completely captivated, as a memory slams to the front of my mind.
Me. Holding Brianna in my arms, as she slowly slips away from me in the blood and snow on the side of the road. I saw a shooting star, and I did what Bri always did when she saw one…
