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“Penny, I don’t ever want you to feel that way. It’s not a competition. Brianna’s my past. I want you to be my future. You mean the fucking world to me and I want to be with you. You have my heart. I only said someday because we have some hurdles. Like our age difference. And Lily. But none of that changes how I feel about you.”
Tears sting my eyes. I love him so much. All I want is to be with him, but he deserves the best version of me, not this confused, drugged-up, exhausted mess I’ve turned into. Right now, I’m not the girl he fell in love with. I don’t even recognize myself. I can barely force myself to get out of bed most days. All the good parts of me are lost, and I have to find them so I can get out of this place and back to my life. Back to Alex and Lily and our little house. Back to my paintings and my poetry and the job I love so much.
My scalp tingles. Brianna shuffles in the corner of my mind. I sense her disappointment.
“I want to be with you, too,” I tell him. “But…I’ve been having seizures, and they’re trying to get my medication right. Remember, I had some of those weird episodes before? The doctor thinks they’re stress-induced.”
“Stress? Are they sure? You always seem so calm and happy.”
“Sometimes people are stressed inside and don’t realize it. I’m learning how to relax my mind. The doctors say it’s best that patients go through this alone so we don’t get distracted or influenced. I guess it’s kind of like an emotional detox.”
So much bullshit.
“Okay…” Uncertainty trails in his voice. “I hate this, Penny. I wish I could be there for you, but if this is the way it has to be for you to get better, then we’ll do whatever it takes. All I want is what’s best for you. As long as you’re happy and healthy, that’s all that matters.”
Biting back tears, I say, “I promise as soon as I’m feeling better and I complete the treatment program, we can see each other. We can pick up right where we left off,” I inject as much optimism into my words as I can. “Well, before I freaked out, let’s pick up there.” A little laugh bubbles out of me, but it sounds manic and not as cute as I’d hoped.
“Penny, promise you’ll call me if you need me. Anytime.”
“I will. And I want you to promise me something, too.”
“Anything.”
“Please stay focused on your art. It’s so important to me that you put your art first because I just know you’re going to be famous someday. Don’t forget, I was your first stalker. I know these things.”
He laughs. “Now you sound like you. I hate to disappoint you, but I don’t think I’m ever gonna be famous. You, though, little darlin’, you’re gonna make it big with your drawings and poetry. So, I’ll promise to stay focused if you do, too.”
“Deal.”
“One more thing…promise me you’ll stay close to Lily. Even when she’s trying to push you away.”
“Done.”
Closing my eyes, I listen to him breathing, matching mine to his.
“Penny…I’m not gonna tell you I love you over the phone. So get your cute ass out of there so I can say it to your face.”
I smile for the first time in weeks. “I’m not gonna tell you I love you, either. I’ll see you soon, Fox.”
I end the call feeling hopeful and loved.
Little did I know it would be the last time I’d talk to him for a long time.
Chapter 40
ALEX - 2027
A long time ago, I envisioned a baby playpen in my studio. I wanted to be a hands-on father, not one who watched my kid when my wife was busy or needed a break.
That dream has sorta come true. But instead of Lily, it’s my grandson who spends hours a day in my studio with me. He loves to watch me work, waving his arms and giggling. He’s the happiest baby I’ve ever seen. I talk to him nonstop, and his big brown eyes never leave me.
Lily named him Brian, after her mom. He’s one of the best things to ever happen to me. I love him like crazy.
I didn’t want Lily to put her life on hold because she was a single mom. I’ve got no problem spending the day with the baby while she goes to cosmetology school and works her part-time job. Jeff, the father of the baby, is as useless as a one-wheeled bicycle. He has zero interest in his son and would rather get high, play video games, and ride his motorcycle than step up and show some responsibility.
He needed to be taught a lesson for abandoning my daughter in a dark parking lot, though. Me and Mikey stole his motorcycle, we took it apart, then I made a huge dick sculpture out of the pieces. My only regret is I didn’t get to see his face when he found it on his front lawn.
