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Jesus, Penny! What’s wrong with you?
While I try to recover from random, creepy, sexy thoughts, he fastens the eye patch back on and gives me a frustrated stare.
“What did she tell you?” he asks. “She won’t talk to me unless you count spewing condescending shit at me.”
Should I tell him what Lily said to me, or is that breaking a friend rule? I still consider Alex a friend, and they’re obviously not doing well. Maybe I can give them a little help.
“She told me her mother died during childbirth, her grandparents raised her, and don’t want her around anymore since they got divorced. She said she had nowhere else to live except with you, and she’s never had any contact from you other than birthday and holiday cards, and you’re a stranger to her.”
“Fuck,” he mutters.
“Is that all true?”
His jaw muscles twitch. “Yeah…I mean no…” He lets out a breath that blows his hair up out of his face. “It’s true, but shit’s a lot more complicated than that.”
“When I was little, my mom told me your wife died in a car accident.” I don’t tell him that right after my mother told me that, I ran to my room and cried for hours. She had to give me a tiny plastic cup of grape-flavored cough medicine to calm me down. “But she never mentioned a daughter.”
“Brianna was in labor and we were on our way to the hospital when we crashed. She didn’t die at the scene,” Alex says in a low, pained tone. “They were able to get her to the ER and deliver the baby, but Brianna passed away right after. She had too many injuries. It was a miracle Lily lived.” He blinks away a tear. “It all happened so fast. Brianna’s parents were out of their minds with grief and anger. They blamed me, called me a murderer.” Sucking in a breath, he raises his gaze from the floor to look at me. “I was a fucking mess,” he says. “Brianna’s parents took the baby at first, supposedly to give me time to get out of the hospital. Once I was discharged, I visited her on the weekends, but didn’t take her home yet. I was afraid to be alone with her. To be responsible for something so…” A tear escapes and slides down his cheek. “…so precious and fragile that came from my wife. The only part of Bri that was left. I was afraid I’d fuck up and kill Lily, too. Next thing I knew, Brianna’s parents were suing for custody. They had a whole case built up of how I was an irresponsible drunk, a danger to myself and the baby. I couldn’t afford to fight them. They refused to let me see her after that. To be honest, I just didn’t have any fight left in me at all. I let Lily go because they convinced me it was best for her. That I didn’t fucking deserve her.”
My limbs begin to tremble. Like ocean waves, his words crash in unison with my heartbeat in my ears. The right side of my head suddenly begins to throb as a red, blurry hue clouds my vision. I feel his grief burrowing deep into my soul, carving a place there like it’s my own.
I grip the edge of the workbench to steady myself and take a few deep breaths to stop myself from either passing out or hurling myself into his arms and never letting go.
“Oh, Alex,” I say. “They’re so, so wrong.”
Shaking his head slowly, he says, “You don’t know that.”
“I do.” I have no idea how, but I know without any doubt that Alex would have been an amazing, loving father if he’d only had faith in himself. I believe that as much as I believe I’m going to take my next breath.
Emotion deepens his voice. “I thought about Lily every single day. She’s never known that she’s the light of my life. She doesn’t know how much we wanted her, how much we loved her. When Bri was pregnant, I used to talk to Lily every night. I wanted her to know my voice. I wanted to give her the love I never had, and instead, I fucked her all up.”
I don’t think Lily is fucked up, but it’s obvious she’s dealing with an overwhelming amount of shit. But who wouldn’t be mad if put in her shoes? In her eyes, everyone who was supposed to love her had left her.
“You have a second chance,” I say. “I think you can make things right.”
“It’s too late. She hates me.”
“I don’t think she hates you. She needs time. You have to gain her trust.”
“You’re just a kid, Penny. What the hell do you know about time and trust?”
Offended, I pick my backpack up off the floor. “I’m not an idiot, Alex. Even being a kid, I know if someone’s hurt, they need time to heal and trust again. You, of all people, should understand that.”
