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Before I can get another word out, she’s talking to the person on the other end of the phone, and I’ve been dismissed.
Like a zombie, I leave the house and walk slowly to Lily’s house with tears streaming down my cheeks. I can’t leave here. Not just this town, my house, and my school, but here. Alex and Lily’s house. The only place that has ever felt like home to me. The only two people who truly understand me, who care about me and who I’ve ever felt any kind of connection to.
That little voice in my head—which is usually so soft—is screaming, you can’t leave! You belong here! They need you! You need them!
“Oh my God. Penny, what’s wrong? You look, like, awful!” Lily says when she opens the front door.
I burst into a new flood of tears. “My parents are moving!” I cry. “They’re making me go with them. To freakin’ California! It’s completely across the country.”
Grabbing my hand, she leads me to the couch, where I pour out the conversation I just had with my mom between hiccuping sobs.
Lily’s face falls, then falls some more, mirroring my own shock and devastation.
“No,” she says, shaking her head. “You can’t leave. It’s our last year of school. I can’t go through that without you. I’ll die! You’re my best friend!”
“I know! I don’t want to leave you, either! I don’t know what to do. They won’t let me stay here alone.”
“What about your grandparents?”
“They moved about an hour away last year. It’s too far.”
“Damn.” She purses her burgundy lips, deep in thought. “Wait… what if you stay here?”
I sniffle and push my hair out of my face. “What do you mean?”
“Here. Maybe you can stay with me and Dad. You’re here all the time, anyway. Then you can graduate and keep your job. And me!”
A spark of hope lights up in this bleak tunnel my mother has thrust me into. I can’t think of anything in this world that would make me happier than living here. Memories of myself as a little girl sprout to the forefront of my mind like vibrant flowers. I was so sure I had once lived here. Even though I was told over and over again by my parents and Dr. Sloane that this was never my home, that belief never left me. I agreed with them only so they’d leave me alone to cherish my thoughts, to keep them from taking my “memories” away from me. Now, I wonder if I was having premonitions of this—being yanked from everything I love.
Are premonitions like that even possible?
I wish I could tell Lily about all this, but I’m afraid it will make me seem weird or unhinged. Maybe even stalkerish. As much as I trust her, I’m not sure how she’ll react and I don’t want to risk it. Especially now.
Instead, I say, “Do you think your dad would really let me stay here?”
“I’m sure he would. He loves you. You’re practically family.”
I chew my lip with nervous excitement, trying to envision how my mom will react to the suggestion of me moving in with Alex and Lily. It’s a toss-up. She might freak out, or she might agree.
“I’m not sure my parents will go for that.”
“They have to! How do they just expect you to uproot your life in the last year of high school? You won’t know anyone out in California. That would suck so bad.”
“I know…”
“What will I do without you? You’re the only friend I’ve ever had. You’re the only one who makes me laugh and doesn’t think I’m a freak.” She tries to blink back her tears, but they spill from her eyes. “I can’t lose you, Penny. I get along so much better with my father when you’re around. If you’re not here, we’ll probably go back to not even talking to each other. You’re like our glue.”
That little compliment makes my heart swell. I want to wrap her words up in a tiny box and keep them forever.
Lily’s gorgeous eyes plead with mine. “Please don’t go, Penny. I can’t lose you, too. I’ll be so depressed again.”
Like me, Lily has been in therapy since she was young. It’s probably not healthy for either of us to be so emotionally dependent on the other, but I think that’s what happens when two very lonely people find each other.
“I don’t want to lose you, either. I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it. My parents work so much they’ll be totally preoccupied once we get to California. I’ll be alone. I won’t know anyone; I won’t know where to go.” I swallow hard as all the realities of living in a new place sink in. “I’m not trying to sound like a baby, but I just want my life to stay like it is, at least until after graduation.”
