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“But she’s here all the time now, and she doesn’t bother you,” Lily continues. “It doesn’t have to be forever. She’ll be eighteen soon and can save for an apartment. Just let her stay here so we can graduate together and not spend our last year of high school miserable.”
I exhale a breath, wishing for what must be the millionth time that Brianna was here to help me through all the stress of trying to be a parent. “Lily—”
“Haven’t I been through enough?” she asks desperately. Her bottom lip quivers, and I wonder if it did that when she was little over broken toys or nightmares. It's a raw reminder of all the times I wasn't there to mend her broken heart. “Do I have to lose my best friend, too?”
“You know I don’t want that. It’s just not that simple.”
Leveling her eyes on me, Lily chokes back a sob and says quietly, “I've never asked you for anything.”
Ah. And there it is. The one-way ticket. Destination: Guilt-Trip Island.
My chest tightens with years of regret and defeat. “You’re right. But—”
She cuts me off before I can say anything else. “Maybe Grandpa was right,” she sobs. “Maybe you’ve never really cared about me.” Her words slice through my heart like a sword. “Maybe you really are a coward who just takes the easy way out. You don’t even want to try.” She runs upstairs and slams her bedroom door so hard the house shakes.
Sullen, I walk back to the kitchen and toss my sandwich in the trash. I can’t eat when there’s a meltdown going on upstairs that I’m totally not equipped to handle.
“I’m so sorry,” Penny says from behind me. “I never should’ve let her ask you to help me. It wasn’t fair to you. The last thing I want is to come between you and Lily.”
I turn to face her. “Don’t apologize. There’s a lot of truth in what she said.”
Her lips curve into a sad frown. “Grief is like a disease, Fox. That doesn’t make you uncaring or a coward. That just makes you human.”
Nodding slowly, I lean back against the counter. “Tell me… how bad will it be for her at school if you’re not here?”
Penny swallows uneasily. “Probably pretty bad. I think without me here, our little circle of friends will stop hanging out with her. They really don’t understand her like I do. They think she’s too dark and moody. I think she’ll retreat into her shell and just hate the world.”
“And you? What do you think it’ll be like for you in a new place?”
“Honestly, not much better. Being the new girl, especially in senior year with kids who’ve grown up together will be super hard to integrate into. In a lot of ways, I’m just as socially awkward as Lily. I just hide it better.”
Lily has come so far in the last year. There’s still a rift between us, but she’s nowhere near as withdrawn and unhappy as she was the day she moved in. She and Penny have all their cute little routines and rituals. They’re like sisters. We’re like a little family.
“You know I care about both of you, right?”
Penny nods. “Yes, of course. Lily knows that, too. She’s just upset.”
I cross my arms and stare down at the floor. “Me and you have always been close, but I’m struggling trying to get close to her. I’m still trying to find my way to her. When you’re here, it’s easier. She’s less angry. I’m more myself. I know it sounds bad, but it’s kinda like you’re this little puzzle piece that clicks us together. You make us happy.”
It’s the closest I can come to telling her that she makes me happy.
“It’s funny you say that because earlier, Lily said I was the glue that held you two together.”
“I like that analogy better. It’s true, though.”
She smiles and scrunches her nose. “I think I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“Look, I don’t want you to go, Penny. Lily will be heartbroken, and I’m worried about what it’ll do to her. She really has been through enough shit already.” I raise my head to meet her eyes. “I’m worried about you, too. I know you’re happy here. Not here here, but with your life here.”
“I am. Everything I love is here.”
Her eyes linger on mine. My thoughts linger on the word here.
I try to ignore it by gripping the back of my neck and squeezing the tense muscles. These kids are gonna age me fast. “I’ll try to talk to your mother, but I can’t make any promises. If, by some crazy-ass miracle, she gives the green light, you can stay here.”
Her green eyes dilate with surprise. “Alex… are you sure?”
“No, but I’m gonna do it, anyway. You two just better not drive me crazy. No drinking. No staying out all night. No boys. No failing classes. No messes all over the house.”
