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My knees go weak.
God. He hardly ever calls me that anymore, and I love it when he does.
After we talk through some ideas for his current stock as I call it, I leave him to his work. I kiss Cherry on her forehead and stroke her ears for a few minutes before I go up to my room to start on my paper. I’d rather be painting or watching a good movie on this quiet Saturday, but I promised my parents I’d discipline myself and not push my schoolwork to the side.
Two hours later, my back and neck are sore from sitting on the bed with my laptop. I take a few minutes to stretch, then venture down to the kitchen to grab a quick snack. From the window, I see that light snow flurries have started to fall like confetti. I’m surprised, as it’s late in the season and I thought we were done with snow for the year. It’s not even that cold out today. As I stare out the window, Alex emerges from the barn. With a smile, I watch him kneel down to pay the Cherry toll. Still watching him, I chew my granola bar, touched by how gentle he is as he runs his hands over her head and back. They look so beautiful with the slow, tiny snowflakes falling around them that I can’t resist pulling my phone from my pocket to take a photo.
Suddenly, Alex yells something I can’t hear as his hands frantically run over Cherry’s body.
A massive chill travels up my spine.
I drop my phone and bolt out the back door.
“Alex, what’s wrong?”
Without looking up, he says, “She’s sleeping, right? Tell me she’s just sleeping.”
My heart sinks when I reach them. Cherry’s body looks oddly still, and Alex’s voice is cracking with desperation. I can’t move. My head begins to throb.
“She’s just tired, right?” He’s so tragically hopeful.
Oh, no. Please, no.
Tears immediately stream down my cheeks, and my body shivers wildly—but not from the cold. I refuse to fall apart in front of Alex again. Not when he’s in such pain. Not when he needs me. I can’t be the one needing consoling right now. Forcing myself into action, I kneel beside Alex and lay my head against Cherry’s furry side. No. I can’t hear her heartbeat. My hand shakes as I check for a pulse that isn’t there. Still in denial, I gently lift her eyelids. Her loving, soulful eyes don’t meet mine. Her fluffy tail doesn’t wag. Sucking in a deep breath, I softly tap the edges of her eyes the way the vet does at the clinic where I work. My heart sinks like an anchor when there’s no response.
“Alex,” I manage to say through quiet sobs as I stroke Cherry’s head. “I’m so so sorry. She’s gone.”
The emotional torture and disbelief on his face tear my soul to shreds.
“She can’t be,” he whispers, pulling her head onto his lap. “She was fine. She was acting totally normal all morning. You saw her…”
Nodding, I try to stay calm when inside, I’m crumbling. My soul is wailing with grief over the loss of my sweet Cherry Pop.
“I know,” I agree softly. “I patted her before I went inside to work on my paper. She was happy, wagging her tail and sniffing the breeze. She must’ve slipped away in her sleep right after.”
Alex curls himself around Cherry’s body. “Please wake up,” he sobs into her fur. “Please don’t leave me.”
I’m close to losing it as my vision blurs with more tears… and something else. A flash of white. A stain of red.
His words echo through my head, muffled at first, then clearer and louder as if they’re traveling down a tunnel.
Please wake up. Please don’t leave me. You promised. I’ll do anything. Please come back.
Over and over, they repeat like an urgent recording until something in my brain clicks.
I’ve heard them before.
My heart clamors against my chest and thunders in my ears. Stabbing pain erupts behind my temple.
The snow swirls around me, hypnotizing me like it did that day—
Alex’s heartbreaking sobs pull me away from the brink of grasping that memory. It quickly vanishes back into the crevice in my mind.
I’m right here. I didn’t leave. I’d never leave you.
Trembling, I gently touch Alex’s hand. “I’ll be right back. I’m going to go get a blanket.”
He doesn’t respond. Grief has already abducted him, transporting him back to a place where the world around him, without his loves, is too painful to exist in.
Tears sting my face in the chilly air as I walk through the falling snow to the back door. In a daze, I step over my phone on the kitchen floor. When I dropped it earlier, it landed exactly where Cherry loved to sleep. My chest constricts with a deep ache, knowing I will never, ever see her beautiful, happy, smushy face there again.
