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“What did he do?”
“Nothing too bad. It’s just I didn’t want to be . . . I didn’t want to be completely naked in front of others. Not that first time in a strange club. And so . . . when he ordered me to strip off, I said no because we’d negotiated differently. He threatened to punish me, but I said my safeword. I’d never seen him angry before, but this look of fury filled his face. He told me to get dressed, that the scene was over, and we left.”
That motherfucker. Raid might never have been to a club, but he knew that consent was everything.
And that boundaries should always be respected.
“Come here, baby.” He kept the anger out of his voice. “Come, let me hold you.”
“If you hold me, I won’t be brave enough to get this out.”
“Hannah . . .” Fuck. He wanted to bring her to him. To reassure her that she didn’t have to tell him any of it. Not for his sake.
For hers.
Because she was trembling so hard that it was hurting him.
“I have to get this out,” she told him. “My way. I have to tell you how stupid I was.”
“You are not stupid.”
“I am. Because there were signs. Big fat red flags that said, hey, Hannah, you should run away from this guy. You should go back home and tell someone about this asshole.” She ran her hand over her face. “It’s not like I didn’t have people I could’ve turned to. I could have told Jake or Saxon or Brye. But I didn’t. I stayed with him. Because I felt so guilty.”
“Why did you feel guilty?”
“I didn’t do what he wanted me to do.”
“Fuck, Hannah. No. He didn’t take care of you. He didn’t respect your boundaries. That was all on him. Not you.”
“I know that now,” she whispered. “But he . . . he stopped talking to me. He said he needed time to think about where we were going. That I embarrassed him. That I wasn’t a good girl for him.”
He was rethinking taking those words back.
How fucking arrogant had he been? Thinking that he could help her. That whatever it was, he could just erase what had happened with that guy? That he could suddenly become her Dom and give her what she needed.
“Fuck, Hannah, I’m sorry.”
She wiped at her cheeks. “Why? It wasn’t your fault.”
“Yeah, but I’m the one who arrogantly said that we’d take those words back for you. I’ve been using them, pushing you. I should have waited until I knew what was going on. What actually happened.”
She shook her head. “Raid, you wanted to help me. And that is never a bad thing. I appreciate that more than you can know. The fact that you can say those words and I don’t feel like vomiting is more progress than I ever thought I would make.”
He still didn’t like it.
“I want to be your good girl, Raid.”
“You always are,” he told her. “And if we ever get to the point where you want to play, and you say your safeword, I will always honor it. As well as your boundaries. Fuck, if you need to say it at any time, I will listen.”
She moved forward and kneeled in front of him, placing her hands on his knees. “I know you will. I’m not . . . I trust you, Raid.”
He understood now how big that was. Placing his hands over hers, he frowned at how cold they were.
“Baby, you’re freezing.”
“I need to keep going. Please?”
He nodded, even though that took everything he had. She took in a shuddering gasp.
“I should have told him we were done. But he had my head spinning, and I started to think I was the bad guy. I embarrassed him. I didn’t do what he wanted. I’ve always liked to please people. I used to get social anxiety when I was younger because I’d worry about saying the wrong thing and upsetting people. It probably started after Mom dumped me at Grandma’s. Her new husband didn’t like me and I took that on as my issue. That I’d said or done things that he didn’t like.”
“What? She just dumped you?” How did he not know that?
“My grandma didn’t want anyone to know. She told everyone that my mom had taken a job overseas in a country that she didn’t want to take me to for my own protection. I think Grandma was ashamed of what Mom did.”
Which wouldn’t have helped the way Hannah felt about what had happened with her mother. What a bitch for dumping her daughter for a man.
“My grandma was amazing. She really did love me. But I guess a part of me always thought that I could have been better, you know? Then Mom’s new husband would have liked me. Then I could have stayed with them. But as an adult, I realized I’d been better off with Grandma than having a mom who could do that.”
