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“Do you understand that everyone here just wants you to be happy?”
She paused for a second before nodding again.
“And you understand that I will listen to your opinions, but I am the only one who chooses which person you live with, okay?”
I understood why the judge said that… Because kids going through this would probably develop trauma if they felt responsible for choosing one parent over the other in front of everyone, but I didn’t think that was the case with Stevie based on how she screamed the other day when her grandparents were trying to shove her in their damn van. My fists tightened over the memory of her panic and how helpless I felt.
Stevie rolled her eyes and huffed out, “Fine,” making a few of my teammates chuckle again.
“Can you tell me what you and your dad like to do together? Or can you tell me a fun time you’ve had with your dad?”
Stevie smiled brightly and her happiness gave me relief. Half the time I felt imposter syndrome over trying to parent, but maybe I was doing alright. “Oh yeah,” she started, “I like to go to his hockey games, and I like when he takes me to Uncle Casey’s house because I get to play with Beau and Ty.”
Beau and Tyler both jumped up and tried to run to her. Casey had to catch them by the back of their little suits to keep them in place. They squirmed against his hold and waved to her.
“And one fun time was when we went on a secret mission to save Josie.”
The judge’s brow furrowed. “Save Josie?”
“Yeah,” Stevie giggled. “She’s afraid of storms so we went on a mission to save her and bring her home so she wouldn’t be scared. We stayed up late” – I cringed hoping that didn’t make me look bad– “and made s’mores in the microwave, and we watched a movie. She tried to teach my dad how to braid my hair, but I fell asleep.”
“And can he braid your hair?” the judge inquired.
“Ha! Nope,” she said, and the way she said it so succinctly made everyone let out a little chuckle.
“Oh, and Christmas was great. I was worried Santa wouldn’t find me, but he did. And then we went skating and I even scored a goal on him! It was so much fun,” she gushed.
The judge bent her head to write down a few more notes. When she looked back at Stevie, she was making silly faces at Beau and Ty.
“Okay, now can you tell me something you and your grandparents like to do together or a fun time you’ve had with them?”
Josie’s eyes flicked to them for the first time today.
I could practically feel white hot tension building in the room as she stayed silent for what I’m sure was two full minutes.
“Stevie, can you tell me something you and your grandparents like to do together or a fun time you’ve had with them?” the judge repeated.
Stevie’s face turned red and she burst into tears. She looked so small and scared up there that it killed me. I lifted to my feet but John’s hand on my shoulder shoved me back down. He was much stronger than he looked. He gave me a firm negative head shake, but I hated feeling so helpless, and I hated even more that she had to go through this.
“Can I ask why you’re crying?” the judge asked calmly.
She flung her arms out. “Don’t you get it?”
There was my girl with her little attitude. I grinned even though my vision of her was blurring a little from my own tears.
“Excuse me?”
“I cannot tell you anything. I have zero things to say. I don’t evenknowthem,” she wheezed between sobs. “My mom didn’t like them. She said we’re not allowed to say hate but she hates them. We saw them in the grocery store once and we ran away and they were chasing us and screaming mean things.”
I had no clue she’d be able to recall meeting them because she was so young, but her ability to remember spoke to how traumatic it must’ve been for her.
The judge paused. “And do you remember your mom ever talking about your dad?”
Stevie swallowed and wiped at her eyes. I leaned forward, curious as to what she’d say because I’d never asked her that before. “Not really,” she shrugged. “She said he was her best friend in the whole world but she had to move away so he helped her make a new best friend, me. She said he was very good at hockey too and that maybe we’d visit him one day.”
“And is that true?” she asked Stevie.
She turned to me and a look of mischief flashed in her still teary eyes. Her nose scrunched as she said, “Well, he’s kind of a bender, but that’s okay because he’sourbender.”
