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“Huh?”
“You’re good people, Tyler Jettersen,” she said, giving me a small smile. “You called me Fi. I like that. Is that a hockey thing? Giving nicknames?” Her light laughter had a musical lilt to it.
My jaw clenched. I knew she was changing the subject on purpose, and I wasn’t sure if I should let her.
“I am fine now.” She sighed. “I’m just disappointed with myself, ya know? Whenever anyone said, ‘girls fall for guys just like their dad’ or ‘you’ll marry your father,’ I always scoffed because, Me? Him? No way in hell. But… I guess it does happen.” She turned to me with a shrug.
“Fuck. Your dad did stuff like that? Mine…” My throat painfully closed up. “Mine did too.” But I barely knew about it. I never even met the man. He was only around before I was born. That part of it was mostly Casey’s story. Casey’s hurt. He shielded me from it as best he could. I only saw the ending of the situation… Knowing that he got out of jail, my mother wanted to invite him back into our house, but Casey took a stand, saying he’d run away with me if she did. My mother left in the middle of the night to be with him again. Shortly after that, we were at her funeral. He was back in prison.
Now I was just terrified of ever being perceived as violent. I didn’t want anything linking me tohim. I wanted to be the total opposite.
She reached over and intertwined her fingers with mine to hold my hand, then she turned the music up and we listened to more Fleetwood Mac.
“You said a guy wrecked you,” I said with my eyebrow furrowed, “But… I’m a guy, can I help un-wreck things?”
She gave me a sad smile. “You are so sweet for offering. But I’m not sure it works that way.”
“Well, it might. Let’s try. Tell me how. How to be a better man.”
She sighed. “Well, I’ll say it in hypothetical terms. When I lash out at you, it’s because I’m feeling insecure. I’m afraid you’re cheating, or you don’t love me anymore. And honestly, I really wish a boy would say, I know you feel insecure right now, so how can I reassure you? Or even just hug me. That’d be much nicer than screaming at me that I’m a crazy bitch.” She rolled her eyes.
“You’re not a crazy bitch,” I said instantly.
She lifted her shoulders and sniffled. “I think I kinda wanna become one now.”
“Okay,thatsounded crazy,” I joked.
She snorted, despite her glassy eyes. “You’re funny, Tyler.”
And that loosened something in my chest. I felt proud that I could make her laugh.
“So, what’s your story?” she asked, nodding her chin at me.
I looked down at my backpack between my feet. My legs were starting to feel cramped in her small car. “I live with my brother. Things were goin’ great for us ‘til his girl broke up with him. I don’t want to make life harder on him, ya know? Because he’s going through a lot. So, I’m trying to be perfect, but sometimes…” I cringed. Sometimes I had issues with authority. “I just wish they didn’t break up. She used to help me a lot with school. She made our house fun. I could talk to her about stuff too, ya know? He bought her a ring and everything, and she just… left.”
“Guess that’s show biz, baby,” she told me with a pat on the shoulder.
I was at a loss for words, because seriously? That’s it? That’s all she was gonna say?
“Fi-”
“I’m kidding.” Her lips twisted in thought. “Maybe she just needs some time. Maybe she needs something he can’t give her.” She shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal.
I ran a hand through my hair and tugged at the ends. “I don’t understand girls. What can’t he give her? He’s an NHL player, he’s loaded.”
She chewed on her bottom lip. “Independence.”
“But she doesn’t need to be independent,” I countered.
“Oh, Tyler,” she said sympathetically. She was my age, but when she talked like that, she felt years beyond me.
“What?”
“Yes, she does need independence. If she’s anything like me, there will always be a ‘what if’ in her mind.What if he leaves? What if it doesn’t work out?You need to be able to stand on your own two feet. Plus, she can’t rely on him for her happiness, that’s too much to put on a person. And besides,” she sighed and leaned back in her chair, “sometimes it’s more peaceful living without y’all.”
“Y’all?” I asked confusedly.
“Men.”
