Page 59 of Our Bender


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He choked out an incredulous scoff and shook his head. “That’s what you’re worried about? Screw realism,” he practically growled.

“W-what?”

He narrowed his eyes to mine, like he was challenging me. “So you’re telling me you’re going to settle? That’s what this is all about? You don’t even want to give me a shot because you have it in your head that I’m not boring or booksmart enough or some shit?”

I sat there blinking at him, at a loss for words. That wasn’t what I-

“Screw realism,” he repeated. “Even realistic choices fail, so whynotbe romantic? Why not be swept away with passion and suck the absolute most out of it while it lasts? I’ll let you in on a little secret,” he paused, and his eyebrows drew together in desperation. “The other shoe eventually drops oneverything,Josie. So, you’re gonna settle with Mr. Grey’s Anatomy or some dentist or random accountant and live just fine and dull and stable… For what? To run the same risks as you would with me? Why not live in color ‘til you can’t? Then when things fall apart, wouldn’t it at least be worth the heartbreak?”

He wasn’t right. Stable things didn’t fall apart. I schooled myself to calm my breathing and remain careless, even though a tiny part of me knew he made a good point. My heart wanted him completely, my body was screaming at me to give in to him, but my brain had me frozen in place.

“Tyler, that wasn’t what I-”

He shook his head, cutting me off. He was biting the inside of his cheek so hard I wondered if he drew blood. He suddenly pointed to my door with an angry index finger. “I’ll tell you right now, I’m not doing this. I won’t be just a hook-up guy for you.”

I wanted to argue back, to reassure him that I didn’t think of him that way… but how would I defend myself if I wasn’t willing to give him more?

My heart felt like it was lodged in my throat, but I forced myself to swallow it down right along with all my internal rebellion. “Fine.”

“Fine,” he matched my careless tone. He stood there with his hands on his hips, staring at his feet for a beat, as if he were deciding something. With his mouth firmly shut, he ran his tongue over his teeth, and then he turned away from me.

And I felt like crying out. In that moment, I knew just how much I wanted him, and I hated myself for it, because that meant he was right, and I was wrong.

Right before he rounded the stairs, he looked over his shoulder at me and something flashed in his eyes. He rolled his lips together for a second.

“Ya know what, Josie? Go on as many bad dates as you want.” He stalked toward me and was suddenly, holding my hips in place with his firm hands, pinning me against the door. He pushed against me so I could feel how hard he was, and I involuntarily released a gasp. He paid attention to my neck then, sucking, biting, kissing, and I couldn’t get enough. My knees buckled, but he firmly kept me in place by jamming a knee between my legs. My body felt on the edge of an explosion and my nails dug into his back. I thought he was going to kiss me again, but instead, his mouth found my ear, and he whispered, “But I’ll be stuck in your head the whole time.” He gently tugged my hair so I was looking up at him. He planted a soft kiss on my lips, then bit my bottom lip, making me gasp. “And I’ll be here waiting for you when you finally realize we’re perfect for each other.”

In one quick motion, he released me and turned to leave.

My body was practically shaking, just wanting him back in front of me. I stomped my foot like a damn toddler, trying to regain any semblance of control. “We are not perfect for each other, Tyler,” I shouted at his back.

“Keep thinkin’ that, buddy,” he said casually without looking back at me.

He paused at the steps and looked over his shoulder one more time. “Have a goodnight, Miss Josie,” he said with his signature, lopsided grin. But the grin didn’t make it up to his eyes this time; instead, those brown eyes of his remained dark and stormy.

And then he was gone, climbing back up the stairs where he came from.

I fell against my door and stared up at my ceiling for a beat, wondering how the hell exchanging a few frustrating words with Tyler could make me feel more than I had in the whole last two and a half hours with Jeff… How he could make me feel more in a minute than I had in the last few years with Garrett.

And that knee-weakening kiss… It felt nothing like an awkward first kiss and everything like a passionate happily ever after. Our bodies were in sync on a completely different level than I’d ever experienced, our chemistry was like a drug. And I desperately wanted to feel that high again, but I’d never admit it aloud. Because just like a drug, I knew I’d get addicted, and that he was bad for me.

He was wrong about me wanting to settle, and he was wrong about stability.

I’d find what I was looking for. I’d find someone who wasn’t risky, who didn’t play for my dad, who also made me feel electroshocks of arousal down to my core with just a single look.

But… Tyler’s words replayed on a loop in my brain, threatening to crush my neat little picture of stability.

And a little voice in the back of my head whispered,what if he’s right?

Would I give up a colorful passionate relationship for a boring one just to have the boring crash and burn too?

Shit.

Before bed, I tried to get lost in a romance novel, but every few sentences, my mind stupidly wandered to Tyler.

Feeling incredibly irritated and unsatisfied, I covered my face with a pillow and released a muffled, frustrated screech.

I could practically kick myself in the ass knowing that tonight could’ve ended so differently had I only agreed to go on date with him…

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