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Parking my car, I turn it off and rest my head on the steering wheel, gathering my thoughts and strength before going inside. I should have trusted my brain and never gotten involved with Remington. I’ve grown up seeing men use and leave women, and I never should have bought into the idea that Remington was different.
I can hear my foster sister’s voice in the back of my mind.See? All men are selfish deep down. They talk a good game, but once they get what they came for, their true colors come to the surface.
I guess I had to experience the heartache and betrayal for myself for the lesson to stick. That does little to console my bitter, broken heart, however.
I mean, god, Remington could have at least stuck around for a month or even a week to put on a bit of a pretense, but oh no. One night, a morning quickie, and that’s all I get. That’s all I’m worth.
My hands tighten around the steering wheel, my palms clammy as I squeeze my eyes shut.
The first day Remington didn’t return my texts or calls; I tried to tell myself that he just got busy or maybe he lost his phone. He told me about all the work he was doing at his mom’s house, and I just assumed… well, I assumed I wasn’t as stupid as every other woman I’ve seen get hurt. I assumed Remington was different. I assumed a lot of things that I now regret.
The crazy thing is, I was actually kind of worried about him. What if he was hurt in his house or something? I didn’t have his address or anything, which was the first red flag. The next day, my worry faded into anger. Then, when he didn’t show up for his time with Noah, my anger moved straight to enraged. It’s one thing to leave me on read, but his Little Brother? Remington knows how fragile Noah can be, and he was just starting to trust someone again.
Three days of no contact, and I’m more than happy to go back to staying far, far away from men. I tried dating, tried having fun, tried trusting someone, and… it was as much of a disaster as I always thought it would be. Now I can go back to being alone and safe.
That still doesn’t help me with Noah, however. I can’t exactly tell the kid to lock his heart away and never open up to anyone ever again. He has to wait until he’s an adult, and then he can grow bitter and lonely on his own terms. It’ll give him something to look forward to.
Shaking my head of my morose thoughts, I take a final breath to come back to center.I won’t encourage Noah to shut everyone out. That’s not what a good Big Sister does.After a few cycles of my new mantra, I force a smile onto my lips as I step out of my car and make my way inside the building.
I’ve been spending more time with June and Noah these last few days, taking them both out with me whenever I get a chance. They’re both bummed about Remington; Noah more than June. The kids both know I’m mad at Remington. I think Noah got it in his head that Remington and I had a fight, and that’s the reason he didn’t show up the other day. To be fair, I was hoping that Remington was just avoiding me, too, at least for the kid’s sake. I didn’t want him to be another person who abandoned Noah and gave up on him. My heart breaks for Noah, and I get pissed at Remington all over again.
June and Noah are both sitting by the front door, and I wave at them as I head to the front counter to sign them out.
“Hey there, Miss Lucy. Where are you all going today?” Sharon asks me.
“It’s so nice outside, so I thought we would head over to the park,” I tell her.
“Oh, the one on Maple?” she asks as I sign my name on the sheet.
“No, the bigger one, over on Second. Maybe stop and get some ice cream after.”
“Good idea! You’ll have to beat the heat somehow,” she says with a friendly smile.
Sharon has been volunteering and working at the Big Brothers Big Sisters Center for most of her life. The woman is relentless in her efforts to coordinate and support the program, and she has such a kind heart and a gentle smile. Sharon seems to know everything about this place and this town. When I first got here, she was the first friendly face I saw and helped me learn my way around this small town.
“We’ll see you later,” I tell Sharon, and she smiles as I grab June and Noah and head back out to my car.
“Ready to head over to the park?” I ask them as I hold the back door open for them to climb in.
“Yes!” June says.
Noah nods. He’s been a lot more subdued since Remington ghosted us, which is understandable. I haven’t pushed him to talk about it yet, but I know it’s something we’ll get to eventually. The three of us make the short drive over to the park, and the kids run over to the swing set while I take a seat on the park bench nearby.
I can see June talking to Noah, and it looks like she’s trying to reassure him so I leave them alone for the moment.
That is until I spot a familiar truck pulling up next to my car.
My stomach drops as I watch Remington hop out and start to head my way.
He’s tried to call and text me a few times, but I blocked him after the second text. I didn’t want to hear a single word of his defense or excuses. Too little, too late, as the saying goes.
“Why ishehere?” Noah asks. He sounds as upset as I am. “Did you invite him?”
He glares at me like I’m a traitor, and I shake my head as I head their way.
“No, I blocked him. I haven’t talked to him in days.” Noah rolls his eyes. “He’s still technically your Big Brother. Sharon must have told him that we were here,” I explain.
“Hey,” Remington starts, and we all turn to glare at him.
