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Dammit, dammit, dammit!I curse at myself as I turn into the Big Brothers Big Sisters parking lot. So much for using the drive over to build up my defenses. I’m tired of fighting, but I don’t know if I can trust Remington again. I don’t know if I can trustmyself.
Parking the car, I paste a smile on my face when I see June and Noah waiting outside.
“Hey, guys!” I call as I hop out. Maybe I can grab June and bolt before Remi gets here.
“Lucy!” June says excitedly.
“Did you talk to Remington yet?” Noah asks me.
“Um, no, not yet,” I admit.
“You should,” he says. I frown when I notice that his eye looks a little bruised.
“What happened to you?” I ask him, cupping his cheek in my hand. I already have an idea, and my heart breaks even more for him. Can life just leave him alone for a bit? He’s got enough to deal with.
“My mom’s boyfriend,” Noah says with a shrug. My stomach twists into a knot of white-hot rage. Noah must pick up on the tension. He pats my hand and smiles at me. “It’s okay, though. I’ve been staying with Remington for the last few days. He’s working on getting me to stay with him permanently,” Noah tells me.
I blinked a few times, not sure I understood him. “Does your eye hurt? Should we get you some ice?” I ask instead of diving into why he’s been staying with Remington. I wave at June’s mom before she jogs bac,k to her car.
“No, it’s fine. Remington has been taking care of me. It doesn’t even hurt even more,” he assures me.
“Good.” I look him over again, checking for any more marks or bruises. June has her hand locked in his, and I smile at the two of them.
“You should hear Remington out,” Noah continues, shrugging off my concern. “He came to talk to me and apologized last week. He–” Noah starts when Remington pulls up next to us.
We all watch as he turns his truck off and climbs out.
“He’s really sorry, and he has a good reason,” Noah tells me, and I nod.
“Lucy,” Remi starts and I sigh.
“Yeah, let’s get this over with. Kids, why don’t you go inside and finish getting checked in? We’ll be in to sign you out in just a second.”
They nod and I watch them walk inside before I turn back to Remi.
“You have one minute,” I tell him, and he nods, taking a deep breath.
“I’m sorry. I should have told you that I was heading out of town and checked in while I was gone. It all just came up so suddenly, and then I forgot my phone, and...”
“So why did you go out of town? I take it this wasn’t a planned trip?”
“I got a call on Tuesday that a good friend of mine had been hurt and was in the VA hospital in Virginia. I flew out and didn’t realize I left my phone in my truck until it was too late. When I got there, I just… I was with Romeo, reliving my own shit while taking care of him, and then at night, I was alone and bombarded with all of these terrible memories and nightmares.”
Remi tugs at his dark hair, and I can feel the frustration, the tension rippling off of him. I swallow hard. I want to comfort him, but I hold myself back. I need more of an explanation, even if my heart knows we’re going to forgive him.
“Is he okay?” I whisper.
Remington nods, his forest-green eyes latching onto mine. He looks absolutely miserable and yet grateful that I’m listening to him. “Romeo lost part of his leg and is a little banged up, but he’ll be okay. The hardest part wasn’t seeing his injuries; it was having him tell me what happened.” He stares off to the side, his brow furrowing before he shakes his head. “I started having these flashbacks to my time overseas,” he murmurs. “I started remembering everyone I ever lost. I saw their faces. Heard their screams.”
“Remi,” I start, and he clears his throat.
“It was all so sudden,” he says in a stronger voice. How many times has Remington had to “toughen up”? How many times has he had to swallow back tears and press forward? “I swear, I didn’t forget you,” he continues. “I wasn’t ghosting you. I was just focused on Romeo and on trying to fight off those memories. When I finally flew home and found my phone in the truck, I charged it and got all of the messages. I fucked up, Lucy. I’m so sorry.”
I’m not sure what to say back. “Remi, I… I should have listened to you when you first asked me,” I say softly, not trusting my voice at the moment. “I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt. That first day, I did. I knew you were busy with your mom’s house, and I didn’t want to be clingy. But when you upset Noah, I…”
“I know,” he says, gently taking my hand in his. “I messed up with Noah, too. I felt terrible. Still do. I’m not used to having people I care about, people I need to update and plan a life with. I took off when my friend needed me, but I should have communicated with you about it. Especially after everything we shared.”
I look down at our entwined hands, trying to breathe through the thousands of thoughts fighting for my attention. “After knowing everything you’ve been through, it feels stupid and shallow to be upset that you left the day after we… well, you know,” I mumble.
