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It was the wrong answer. Teddy leaps up from his chair and is on me. His arms are on either side of me, pressing into the bed. I can feel his warm breath on my face, and this time, there's no escaping his eyes.
I try and move back.
I need to move away from him.
Remind myself of my calling.
Of the vows I intend to take.
But, with every inch I try and move away, he gets closer by two. There's finally nowhere left for me to go. I'm lying down on the bed, and he's holding his body on top of me.
We don't touch.
Our breathing is tense.
Neither of us move.
"Don't be stupid," he finally whispers.
"If it was God's will," I start to say.
"I don't give afuckabout God's will," he scoffs. "I'd die before I let anyone lay a hand on my Darkness."
And then, he's kissing me.
ChapterSixteen
I need to not be doing this.
I need to NOT be doing this.
I NEED TO NOT BE DOING THIS.
I force myself to pull away from her lips. She feels like air when I've been living in a vacuum for years. Putting myself back in that vacuum feels even worse now that I've taken a breath.
As much as I want her, I know it's not fair to her. She's taken vows to the church. Even if I don't believe in God, she clearly does.
I'm not going to pull her away from something she loves so dearly. Even if . . .
I can't finish that thought.
It's too painful of a thing to admit and have to live with to say it out loud, even to myself.
I'm off the bed in a second. I can see the shock on her face.
Despite my decision, which I know is the right thing to do, I can still see the indecision in her eyes. More than that, I could feel it in her lips.
We'll never discuss it, but for a brief moment, she kissed me back.
I'm out of the room in seconds, closing the doors behind me and all but sprinting down the hall. Now that I know she's safe, maybe the best thing for the both of us is to just stay away from one another. I sort of doubt she's going to want to see me after what just happened between us, anyway.
I'm so lost in my own thoughts that I'm not paying attention to where I'm going. I barrel right into someone and we both land on the floor.
"Sorry," I say, offering a hand to my counterpart. His face comes into view and I instantly relax. Even though I'm technically in charge these days, there's a lot of top brass floating around the mansion right now because of the ceremony. I'd rather not knock over certain people.
I don't mind knocking over this fucker, though.
Marco is my normal partner. The guy I usually clean up with. He would have been there with me at the Cathedral instead of Toto, but he called out sick that night.
