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It breaks my heart in a way I'm not expecting.
I always saw Teddy as my own temptation.
I never realized that perhaps I was his, too.
He starts to move away, but I grab his shoulders, holding him still.
I'm aroused. I'm still incredibly wet. I want to beg him to touch me. To bring me back into the sin I experienced with him so long ago.
"You want me," I say to him. It's not a question, because I already know his statement.
"Yes," he nods.
"Then, why not take me?"
He shakes his head. "I can't," he whispers.
I want to stomp my feet in frustration. Why would he take me this far only to stop?
"But, you want to?"
"No," he tells me.
"No? A moment ago it was yes!"
He pushes me against the wall now. I gasp in surprise. He grips my shoulders tightly, holding me in place. His eyes bore into mine and I can see the lust in them, like coals burning in the darkness.
"I'm not going to do this to you."
"Do what?"
"Make you break your vows," he says. "No matter how bad I fucking want you, Raven, I'm not going to take something like that away from you. Just know," he leans in and whispers, "that you willalwaysbe my Darkness."
He pushes off the wall and grabs my hand, tugging me to the car. I'm stunned into silence again, and I follow him without a fight.
The majority of the ride back to the mansion is silent. There are so many things I want to say to him, but I can't force myself to speak. More than anything, I want to admit to him that I haven't taken any vows yet. Except, every time I'm about to open my mouth, the words stall in my throat.
I can't understand why.
Maybe it's because it gives me the out.
Maybe it's because I'm nervous.
Maybe it's because deep down I still think he'd be better off without me.
That last one feels a little too close to home and I push the feelings of doubt down into the darkness within me.
"You really impressed me back there," Teddy says after clearing his throat.
The sound against the silence almost startles me.
"Oh," I say. "Thank you."
"What did he mean that he'll see you in a few days?" I ask.
Teddy pulls the car up to the gate of the mansion. The man outside sees him from the gatehouse and waves as the oversized gate opens for us.
"Our family throws a goodwill dinner once a year," he explains. "The one for this year is this weekend."
