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“Still feeling restless?” Atlas asks with a cheeky arch of his brow.
Looking at the two males I lie between, I see that Nicolai is already growing hard again, and the look Atlas gives me is scorching as his eyes travel over my naked body.
Despite everything, I smile and roll over, pressing my lips to his, knowing that Nicolai will follow. His hands move over my body as Atlas and I kiss deeply. A light, tingling sensation settles over me, and I know the goddess is blessing our union, watching over us and protecting us as much as she’s able to through Haven’s barriers. Everything may feel like it’s falling apart, but with my mates, we can create a little slice of happiness.
With the assurance from the goddess, I sink into my mates’ embrace, allowing myself to enjoy their touch since we never know how long we might have.
ChapterFive
Quietly cursing the stupidly complicated dress that I’m attempting to squeeze into, I fumble with the tiny buttons on the back that line up over my spine—at least they will when I can get them done up. With my arms reaching behind me at an awkward angle, I’m grasping one of the blasted fabric-covered fastenings when a low chuckle fills the room.
Glancing over my shoulder, I find my half-brother, Kano, leaning against the doorframe. He’s watching me with amusement, his arms crossed over his chest. Shooting him a glare, I face forward and continue to try to get dressed, steadfastly attempting to ignore him.
An uncomfortable, unsettled feeling stirs up in his presence. I’ve not seen him since yesterday when he stepped into the queen’s quarters out of thin air, and then took Syn away to the cells on the queen’s order without a word to me. He tried to communicate something to me at the time, but I just don’t know him well enough to read his expressions like that. I’m feeling salty about the fact that Syn was captured, and since Kano was the one to deliver him to the cells, he’s the one facing the brunt of my feelings.
He seems to pick up on the change in atmosphere as there’s a heavy pause, the only noise my quiet grumblings as I twist and stretch to do up the dress the queen sent over and insisted I wear today. After a few seconds, I hear the soft sound of his footsteps crossing the room. A hand lands on my shoulder, and it takes everything in me not to pull away, my jaw clenching.
“Here, let me.” His fingers move quickly across the back of the dress, doing up the final buttons with ease.
As soon as he’s done, I take a step away and brush my hands down the front of the dress, picking off imaginary lint to take away the sting of me putting distance between us. The dress the queen chose for me is completely different to what I’d usually wear. In fact, it looks more like something a girl would wear, not a grown woman attending court. I’m sure there’s a reason for it, since everything the queen does has a motive behind it, I just wish I knew what it was.
The nude, pink-coloured dress is smooth and fitted around the bust, but it covers everything up to my collarbone, staying very modest compared to what I usually wear. The skirt starts at my waist and stops just below the knee, made of a floaty fabric with pale flowers printed all over. Sleeves that brush the tops of my arms are made with the same material as the skirt. The cherry on the top? The pink bow around the middle. I’m literally wrapped up with a bow like a present, and I refuse to look in the mirror, not wanting to see how ridiculous I look.
“Thank you,” I comment lightly, attempting to keep my feelings locked away as I finally look up at him.
I must not do a good job of it, however, because whatever he sees on my face makes him grimace. Huffing out a frustrated breath, he rubs the back of his neck, needing something to do with his hands to stop himself from stepping towards me. I appreciate him attempting to control himself and understanding that I need some space, as there are many who wouldn’t try.
“About yesterday—”
I cut him off with a raised hand and slight shake of my head, my stomach clenching uncomfortably. I hoped to avoid this conversation. “It’s fine. You did what you had to.” The statement is true, but my voice makes it sound like it’s anything but fine. “The queen says jump, and you jump. I understand.”
Each of my words are clipped as I fail to hold back my ire. Deep in my mind, I know I’m not being fair, because he probably doesn’t have much more leeway than the rest of us. His position of power at the queen’s side is one that could be taken away in an instant. I’ve seen how she treats him, and it’s not how you’d act around someone whom you considered your equal. Ultimately, no matter his role, he’s still a subject of the queen and has to follow her orders, just like every other witch here. None of this is his fault, he didn’t cause this, but my own feelings of inadequacy, hurt, and frustration are being projected onto him. I hope that later, when he looks back on this, he can understand that, but I’m not in the correct frame of mind to fully comprehend my complex emotions right now.
There’s a flash of hurt in his eyes at my comment, but he doesn’t lash out. “It’s not as simple as that.”
The situation with him and the queen is complicated. I understand that, and I’ve witnessed it myself, but for some reason, I can’t stop the snappy comments in the back of my mind. Shrugging like I don’t have a care in the world, I look away. “You don’t want to upset your lover, I get it.”
As soon as I say the words, I know I stepped over a line. I wish I could take it back, but I can’t, so I walk over to my dresser and pick up my brush, running it through my hair to distract myself from the sick feeling in my stomach.
From the corner of my eye, I see him freeze, and his expression turns harsh. “You know nothing about it.”
His quiet, dangerous tone should be a warning not to push him on this, but there’s something inside me today that is twisting and rotting. The dark presence that resides in me is loving these bitter feelings of anger and the urge to lash out, encouraging me from my soul.
“You share the queen’s bed, right?” I accuse, unable to stop myself despite the fact that a little voice is screaming in the back of my mind as I spin around to face him. Kano’s silence speaks a thousand words, confirming my suspicions. “I thought so. That means you’re loyal to her, even if it means hurting one of my mates in the process.”
Crinkling his nose in disgust, he shakes his head with disbelief, his breath hissing through clenched teeth. He turns, and I think he’s going to leave, but at the last moment, he seems to change his mind and spins back to face me with a look of betrayal.
“You have no idea what you’re talking about.” He jabs a finger in my direction, and my heart pounds in my chest as I force myself to hold my ground. I started this. My words were provocative, so I obviously wanted a fight. I’m going to take his anger because I deserve it.
“You think I want to be with the queen?” he continues, his eyes narrowing with insult. “She has no feelings for me, she just uses me for my body and to keep a firm hold on her position. There are people I’m trying to protect too. I’m powerless here.” The anger seems to drain out of him, leaving him looking haggard and beaten down.
Seeing him like this causes something to shift inside me, and my own twisted feelings finally release my heart, allowing me to see past my pain. Kano has always been strong, confident, and powerful, at least that’s how I’ve always seen him. Is this just a mask, or have I uncovered another side of him? As his words sink in, I’m filled with guilt. He’s never seemed happy about his position with the queen and is always very careful with what he says. Comments I’ve heard from others have always hinted that he’s with her for his own gain, but he’s really just been doing it to protect others.
“Having the heir to the most influential family in the witching world in her bed and on her side helps to secure her rule as queen,” he explains, his voice weary as he leans against the wall for support. “That’s why she’s obsessed with having you. You’re powerful and have the goddess blessed power. If the two of you formed an alliance, then no one would dare to question her right to rule.” Chuckling without humour, he releases a heavy sigh and rubs his hands over his face. When he lowers them, he meets my gaze, his expression firm as indignation flashes in his eyes. “Besides, I would never do anything to hurt you, including hurting your mates. I spent the night watching over him to make sure none of the guards tried anything. He’s safe and untouched because of me.”
I stare at him in surprise, gratitude flooding through me. The queen uses him for her pleasure, and he has no real option other than to follow her orders to protect those he loves. On top of that, he stood guard over Syn and protected him because he knew how much he means to me, risking his standing with the queen and sacrificing his night. He did that for me. Feeling like the worst person in the world, I rub my aching chest, knowing I was out of order.
“Thank you for protecting him. That means a lot to me, honestly,” I tell him in earnest. Squeezing my eyes shut for a second, I try to release some of my tension through a long, extended breath. “I’m just so confused and overwhelmed. It’s making me question everything.”
