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I thought it would be Star who would be baying to be released, but it’s actually the darkness that makes its way up, and instead of forcing it down like I usually would, I allow it to press beneath my skin. Seeing her expression change makes me wish I could see what’s happening to my face, because her eyes widen in fear and her face pales. Her cronies all squeal at my sudden show of aggression and scatter away like squawking birds, attracting attention.
“Okay…” Atlas suddenly appears at my side, far faster than he should have been able to unless he’d begun moving the moment the queen moved away. Wrapping an arm around my shoulders, he pulls my hands from the lady and leads me away. “I think that’s enough threatening for one day.”
As soon as I’m away from those women and their toxicity, the darkness sinks without any prompting. Atlas’s touch helps settle my roaring anger, and my heart rate begins to slow and return to its usual rhythm, leaving behind a blinding headache. Raising my hands to my temples, I use my fingers to try and massage away some of the tension there, trusting that Atlas will lead me somewhere safe.
Growling at myself, I shake my head in frustration. Why can’t I keep my temper down today? A hand touches my cheek, and I look up to see Atlas watching me closely. His touch is removed almost immediately, still playing the role that’s expected of him, but it still hurts to see him pull back, especially when I need his grounding touch so badly. Instead of saying anything, I release a long, quiet breath and look around to see that we’re standing in the back corner where I first spotted him. It’s not as noisy here, and although people are still watching, it’s much more sheltered, and I can allow myself to calm down.
“Are you okay?” he asks quietly, concern lacing his voice. “Your eyes were black.”
Black eyes? Now that’s new. I knew they’d done something with the darkness trying to take over, especially given how Tania reacted, but that was unexpected. I’m also taken aback by Atlas’s reaction. I expected him to have a go at me for my little show of aggression, but I’m taken off guard by his genuine question. There’s a concerned crease between his brows, and he brushes my arm with his.
I know he’s trying not to show too much affection in front of the queen or give her anything that she can use against us, but even this light brush makes my heart skip a beat. We really need to complete our bond. My longing for him seems to grow each day.What is wrong with me today?I ask myself, shaking my head in an attempt to bring my senses back. Groaning quietly, I blow out a long breath and meet his gaze.
“I’m struggling. I’m just so overwhelmed.”
I don’t even have the words to explain to him what’s going on inside my head or what a mess my feelings have been today. Everything happening with Syn is a major factor, and the queen is only making the whole experience harder. My mate seems to have been driven mad by our separation, and I had to leave him behind once more to attend this event all to make her look good. It’s breaking down the person I thought I was and turning me into someone else, someone quick to anger and slow to trust. If I didn’t know that the queen was so shocked by Syn finding me, I would have said she planned it to mess with me. It’s something I’m sure she would do. Although, as I think about it, maybe she wouldn’t. Having Syn here and finding Haven, somewhere that’s supposed to be impossible to find, weakens her rule over the people. If she can no longer promise them safety, then why should they follow her? There are already whispered questions about whether she’s the right person to lead, so this would only shake the foundations further, which is why I’m forced to attend while wearing a ridiculous gown and being displayed like a new pet.
“I know,” Atlas replies, taking my hand in his, not caring who might see. After all, it’s public knowledge that we’re mates, so some affection would be expected despite his apparent frosty behaviour. “But I’ve told you before, Laelia, I’m here to help you,” he continues, his gaze intense. The tug in my chest tells me that he wishes he could do more than simply hold my hand. It’s enough, though, to clear my mind and help me see clearly.
I don’t reply simply because I don’t have any words to explain how I’m feeling, so I dip my head. He has said this before, that he’d help me carry my burdens, and while I didn’t forget that, I suppose I was waiting to see what happened when he was under pressure. Atlas mistakes my gesture and lack of vocal response as a sign that I don’t believe him. Huffing out a breath that sounds more werewolf than human, he takes a small step closer and grabs my chin, forcing it up so I have to look at him.
“Look into my eyes and see the truth of what I’m saying.” His voice is firm, but there’s a vulnerability behind it that makes me stop and really look at him. “I’m sorry about my behaviour before, but this weight you carry isn’t yours alone.” He sounds regretful and frustrated at the same time, something that I understand. He’s annoyed that he’s having to explain himself, but not because of me. No, he’s angry at himself that he’s not been acting in a way that’s gained my trust.
“I’ve seen how having your mates close grounds you, how you bloom around us, and I hate seeing you like this.” He gestures towards me, and I wonder just what state I look like I’m in. “We do this together, as the goddess intended.” Taking a deep breath, he releases it slowly. “I’m not going to try and stop you from spending time with Syn. I wish I could say that it’s all from a place of concern, and itis,but I can’t deny there’s more to it than that. However, my jealousy is my own issue, and I’m working on it,” he admits, his expression tight like it hurts him to say this.
This is a huge step. Atlas isn’t the most adaptive of my mates when it comes to sharing me, especially when it’s taken a lot of work for him to admit his feelings for me and accept what I am in the first place. I thought we moved past the worst of that when Nicolai and I were fucking and he joined in, but seeing Syn so close to the edge has shaken him, dredging up old memories. He’s grown up loathing werewolves, indoctrinated into a group of hate filled witches, and that sort of conditioning can’t be undone overnight. He’s right, though, the goddess brought us together,allof us, and we need to stick together if we’re going to survive this.
My first genuine smile since I walked into this hall is small and fragile as I look up at him, hoping that he can feel how grateful I am as it removes a weight from my shoulders. “Thank you,” I murmur quietly, knowing he can hear me over the hustle and bustle in the room. I should step back and put distance between us, thanks to the many watching eyes on us, but I let myself enjoy his touch for a few seconds longer. I release his hand and step back, my skin tingling with the loss of contact. Giving him a tight smile, I gesture to the rest of the room with a small wave of my hand. “Now we just have to get through this.”
Snorting in amusement, he glares at anyone who dares come too close. “I hate these things,” he mutters despondently.
I hum in agreement, scanning the room to see what happened while I had my little meltdown. My eyes immediately lock on the group of ladies that Atlas rescued me from, all shooting me narrow-eyed looks with Tania at the front, fanning herself and talking about her ordeal. Rolling my eyes and needing fresh air, I glance at Atlas. “I’m going to the bathroom. I need a moment to myself.”
He looks like he’s going to say something, and for a second, I think he’s going to try and accompany me. However, I raise a brow at him, and he just glowers at the rest of the room, leaning back against the wall and crossing his arms.
Taking that as a dismissal, I excuse myself and make my way to the bathroom. Thankfully, once I reach the ladies’ restroom, I find it empty, and I take the opportunity to close my eyes and just let myself feel my true feelings, not having to pretend to be strong. I open my eyes far sooner than I want to and move towards one of the stalls. As I do, something catches my eye, and I glance towards the sinks, realising that it’s my own reflection. What I see stops me in my tracks.
I don’t recognise myself. My cheeks look sunken in, and I have grey circles under my eyes, but that’s not what’s taken me by surprise. Gone is the sheltered, naïve werewolf, and in her place is a damaged but fierce looking woman. Disturbed, I quickly turn away and hurry into a stall, shutting the door to hide the reflection. Once I’ve completed my business and wash my hands, I make sure to avoid looking at the mirror and stride out of the bathroom like the lord of the underworld is riding my coattails.
Re-entering the hall, I scan for Atlas and see him in the same place I left him. As I stride across the hall, I’m fully aware of being watched. I try not to let it bother me and focus on just getting through this event. I’m most of the way across the hall when the atmosphere changes around me.
“Lady Fairing?”
It takes me a moment before I realise that someone’s talking to me, still not used to being addressed as a lady. Turning, I find a pretty young witch smiling up at me. Unlike everyone else here, she has bright orange hair—not ginger,orange. Her complexion is pale, and she has a smattering of freckles across her cheeks and the bridge of her nose. My first impression of her is that she’s sweet, but I get a feeling that she’s far stronger than she appears, her small, cute appearance a way of making others believe she’s innocent.
“Yes?” I respond cautiously. I don’t recognise her as one of Tania’s gaggle, and while I want to trust she’s not here for a malicious purpose, I’ve learned the hard way not to trust easily. Appearances can be deceiving.
“My name is Eloise, and I just wanted to let you know that you have my and my friends’ support.” Her voice is lower now, and I assume that’s to make sure no one else overhears what she’s saying, but her expression doesn’t shift in the slightest.
Taken aback, I work hard to keep my face neutral as I try to digest her words. It sounds like she’s saying she would support me over the queen, yet that would be treason, and I’m certainly not going to ask her if that’s what she meant.Calm down, Laelia, I counsel myself.She’s probably just saying she supports the fact the queen has brought you back.That would be the normal thing to think rather than jumping straight to treason, but something in my gut is telling me to trust this female, and I need to know more if I’m going to do that.
Clearing my throat, I tilt my head slightly to one side with a small, confused smile. “That’s very kind of you, but support for what?”
Eloise glances around discreetly and nods her head as if hearing a double meaning to my words. Meeting my gaze once more, she takes a small step forward and leans towards me like she’s sharing a secret. Most of the ladies in this hall are gathered together and whispering into each other’s ears, so this doesn’t look out of place. “We know you’re here for more than just taking your place as the queen’s puppet and learning about your star magic. This was predicted long ago, and with you being half werewolf and having both wolf and witch mates, we see the truth that’s being hidden.”
I don’t know what to say to her. The queen’s puppet? That stings, but I guess to anyone looking on and not knowing the full situation, that would be exactly how it appears. There’s a role I have to play here to keep my family and mates safe, so if that means I get dubbed as the queen’s puppet, then so be it. Pushing aside my bruised ego, I focus on the rest of her comment. She’s talking about the prophecy. I was told a while ago that some of the younger witches believed I was the one from the prophecy and I’d unite the witches and werewolves. Wanting to shy away from the implication of this, I stop myself from shuffling my feet awkwardly. What confuses me the most, though, is her last comment.“The truth that’s being hidden.”What truth?
My mouth opens and closes, and confusion is written across my face as I attempt to order my thoughts.
